Where The Hell Have You Been, Flake? (d100)

Roll once, or once per session missed, or once per in-game week or month missed, depending on what's appropriate for your campaign.

By far the most interesting rules in Runequest's classic Midkemia: Cities supplement are in the "Character catch-up" section. These rules tell PCs who have missed a session or two what they've been doing during that time. Since they are unique and interesting and address a problem that comes up in my campaign all the time, I hereby shall hack them down to useful size (they are originally written as a whole "mini-game"--they are re-envisioned here according to the efficiency-und-utility-uber-alles Vornheim ethic):

Where The Hell Have You Been, Flake?

Roll d100 or d100 per session missed or d100 per in-game week or month missed, depending on what's appropriate for your campaign. When the table calls for a "random NPC" or "random aristocrat" you can use any random NPC table you like, I personally will be using the ones in Vornheim... (Contents of this table adapted, quoted and largely bit from the work of Stephen Abrams and Jon Everson with a little bit added and a lot speedified by me. If they or any relevant copyright holders have a problem with that I'll take it down.)

—From a blog post by Zak Sabbath

d100 Result

1

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 200 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

2

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 400 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

3

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 600 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

4

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 800 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

5

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 1,000 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

6

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 1,200 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

7

You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered 1,400 gp for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll. If you survived, you also gain Roll 100*1d20 experience points.

8-12

You've been sick. Spend 20 minus your constitution score × 100 on keeping yourself supplied and in comfort. If that's more than you've got or you're a cheapskate subtract Roll d4 from all physical stats for today.

13-23

You offended someone. Roll on "Who did you offend?"

24-29

Accused of crime, charisma roll to escape conviction. If convicted, pay Roll d8*100 gold to get out. If you don't have it or are a cheapskate you are a fugitive from justice starting now.

30

You have been doing research. Make an intelligence roll. If successful, you may ask the DM one question about any current mystery in the campaign and s/he must give you at least a clue, if not the answer.

31-35

Thieves. Lose Roll d100% of your cash.

36-38

A friend of yours (a random common NPC, perhaps a Roll on "NPCO1: Race, Sex & Occupation Type") offended someone. Roll on "Who did you offend?"
If you don't help your friend, there is an 85% chance to offend him/her. If you do help your friend, the offended party is now offended by you as well.

39

A friend of yours (a random aristocrat, perhaps a Roll on "NPCN1: NPC Nobles") offended someone. Roll on "Who did you offend?"
If you don't help your friend, there is an 85% chance to offend him/her. If you do help your friend, the offended party is now offended by you as well.

40

A family member of yours offended someone. Roll on "Who did you offend?"
If you don't help your friend, there is an 85% chance to offend him/her. If you do help your friend, the offended party is now offended by you as well.

41-48

You made a new friend (a random common NPC contact, perhaps a Roll on "NPCO1: Race, Sex & Occupation Type")

49-50

Long lost family member shows up. Friendly. (Roll a random occupation for him/her, perhaps a Roll d2 on [male;female] Roll on "NPCO2: Occupation").

51

You made a new friend. Roll a random aristocrat contact (perhaps a Roll on "NPCN1: NPC Nobles").

52

Offer of marriage from random NPC of lower social status. (Perhaps a Roll on "NPCO1: Race, Sex & Occupation Type".) Wedding, should you choose to accept it, is in Roll d4 days. If you accept, roll d100: less than 15 means a family member killed you in your sleep, more than 75 means you receive that number × 20 in dowry/gifts.

53

Offer of marriage from random NPC of same social status. (Perhaps a Roll on "NPCO1: Race, Sex & Occupation Type".) Wedding, should you choose to accept it, is in Roll d4-1 weeks. If you accept, roll d100: less than 15 means a family member killed you in your sleep, more than 50 means you receive that number × 100 in dowry/gifts.

54

Offer of marriage from random NPC of higher social status. (Perhaps a Roll on "NPCN1: NPC Nobles".) Wedding, should you choose to accept it, is in Roll 2d10 weeks. If you accept, you have offended two random aristocrats (perhaps a Roll on "NPCN1: NPC Nobles" and a Roll on "NPCN1: NPC Nobles") and receive Roll d100*300 gp in dowry/gifts.

55-57

Dude, someone just gave you Roll d20*100 gp.

58

You are under surveillance by an assassin.

59

You are under surveillance by a spy of a foreign power.

60-61

You are surveillance by thieves casing your place to steal stuff.

62-65

You are under surveillance by the town watch.

66

You aren't under surveillance but think you are.

67

You return to action with a mysterious glint in your eye. During this session (and this session only) you may totally pull some crazy, situation-specific bullshit out of your ass to save everyone in a desperate situation ("oh, I have an extra crossbow right here…") but only if you can entirely explain how you ended up with this item/ability/characteristic, etc. in 15 seconds realtime or less. And you can only use it once.

68-69

You got mugged (lose whatever you regularly carry) and tossed into debtor's prison by cops who assumed you were a beggar. Gain a criminal record and Roll d12*10 lice.

70-72

You got mugged (lose whatever you regularly carry).

73

You witnessed a secret ceremony. DM figure this out or just roll one of the local religions and assume they're pissed at the PC for the foreseeable future. Possibility: Roll on "Table 1-16: Type of Ceremony Villain Plans to Desecrate (Event)"

74

You help out some fancy type. Receive a title (Roll d4 on [Duke/Duchess;Baron/Baroness;Lord/Lady;Knight—Sir or Dame])

75

Your living quarters become infested with vermin.

76

A small bug befriends you. You choose what kind.

77

A small, useless, dumb furry animal (no stats) befriends you. Pick what kind.

78

Somebody gives you a horse. It had a badass name of your choice and maximum stats for a warhorse.

79-81

Recruiting push: You may join the military as an enlisted soldier.

82

You may join the military and get up to the rank of NCO before the next adventure starts.

83

You may join the military and become a commisioned officer before the next adventure starts.

84

Your place burned down. Roll d3 on [1-50:You managed to save all your stuff.;51-95:You saved half of your stuff (pick randomly).;96-100:All of your stuff was destroyed.]

85

You learned to speak a new language (but not read it) pick!

86

You learned to read a new language (but not speak it) pick!

87

Someone asks to be your servant for 4 gp a week. They're pretty cool, it seems like.

88

You meet the person of your dreams.
He/she Roll d2 on [1-4:feels;5-10:does not feel] the same way about you.
He/she Roll d2 on [1:is already;2-4:is not] married.

89

You have a dream. Roll d4 on [1:A deity tells you of a quest that you must undertake. There is a 40% chance that this dream comes from a god. If it does, and if you ignore it, there is a 60% chance that the displeased god kills you.;2:You see your own death, which so distracts you that for the next four weeks you treat any successful befriendings as offendings, instead.;3-5:You have a prophetic vision which so catches you up in worrying and telling people about it that there is a 20% chance you lose your job if you have one.;6-8:The dream was so involved that you slept the entire day, with a 30% chance you lost your job if you have one.]

90

You are asked to write a book detailing your adventures for publication. A handsome advance is offered: Roll d20*100 gp.

91

You discover an amazing new recipe for mince pie.

92

You are complemented on your shoes. It goes to your head. -2 to charisma checks because you just keep talking about them but +2 to hit and +3 to damage against anyone who insults them.

93

The town watch or other police agency enters your living quarters. Roll d4 on [1-3:They are looking for a fugitive.;4-7:They are searching for contraband or stolen items.;8:They are conducting a census.;9-10:They are thieves casing your house.]

94

Your place is condemned. You have Roll 2d6 days to find a new one. If, like so many adventurers, you lack a permanent residence, then you have accidentally dyed your hair a color to be decided by the player to your left and don't have time to dye it back.

95

You have a major argument with a spouse, lover, or random intimate you just met. Roll charisma. Failure indicates a woman scorned. Or a man. Or whatever.

96

Death in the family. Pick a family member to die. If they're an NPC already active in the game, the DM can choose to overrule you, and pick someone else.

97

Death in the family. Pick a family member to die. If they're an NPC already active in the game, the DM can choose to overrule you, and pick someone else. You are expected to be at the funeral.

98

You have been impressed into the military. You can join, become a fugitive, or buy them off for Roll 1d6*100 gp.

99

Called into court as a witness. A random NPC is on trial (perhaps a Roll on "NPCO1: Race, Sex & Occupation Type"). Roll on "Called into Court" If you testify against him/her, there is a 25% chance s/he is offended. If you help the defendant, there is a 35% chance that you will befriend him/her. GAMEMASTER NOTE: if the PC lies to free the defendant, there is a chance that others might take special interest in the PC.

100

You have an accident. Roll on "You Had an Accident"