1

Restroom Signage and Font Uniformity Division

Standardizing restroom signage typography to preserve visual continuity and wayfinding integrity.

2

Deskwheel Safety & Friction Standards Division

Reducing rolling-related injuries through monthly wheel resistance testing.

3

Cubicle Partition Height Variance Control

Monitoring wall height discrepancies to optimize line-of-sight neutrality.

4

Legacy Filing Cabinet Reclamation Initiative

Rehoming and restoring outdated metal storage units to certified archival zones.

5

Synthetic Carpet Sample Cataloging Office

Maintaining Async’s 500+ swatch archive for legacy texture replication.

6

Office Plant Species Diversity Review

Promoting bio-visual balance by regulating succulent overpopulation.

7

Emergency Desk Labeling Initiative (EDLI)

Guaranteeing desk locations remain clearly tagged in the event of rapid evacuation.

8

Outdated Sign Removal Advisory Council

Phasing out deprecated signage per Async’s 90-day visual update policy.

9

Office White Noise Volume Harmonization Panel

Calibrating ambient noise machines to ensure consistent decibel neutrality.

10

Internal Document Version Control Bureau

Preventing the rise of rogue spreadsheets and unsanctioned file duplication.

11-12

Password Expiry Exception Oversight

Managing rare exemptions to the 30-day credential rotation cycle.

13

Wi-Fi SSID Naming and Renaming Committee

Curating SSIDs for brand compliance and aesthetic coherence.

14

Digital Conference Room Misbooking Tribunal

Arbitrating conflicts arising from calendar overlap and phantom reservations.

15

Nonessential Dashboard Widget Curation Taskforce

Vetting and tagging optional widgets for inclusion in Async Portal V3.

16-17

Badge Tap Timing Efficiency Research Lab

Optimizing employee access flows through biometric cadence analysis.

18

Cross-Floor Meeting Logistics Oversight

Coordinating inter-floor movement schedules to prevent stairwell bottlenecks.

19

Chair Height Ergonomic Dispute Arbitration Unit

Mediating workplace height-related seating conflicts before escalation.

20

External Staple Procurement Subcommittee

Securing third-party staple contracts with an emphasis on bulk uniformity.

21

Breakroom Refrigerator Audit Division

Tracking perishable abandonment rates and condiment overstock violations.

22

Vending Machine Product Rotation Board

Selecting snacks for quarterly rotations using internal flavor tier systems.

23

Shared Printer Conflict Mediation Bureau

Providing neutral grounds for resolving toner-related disagreements.

24

Pen Usage Lifecycle Documentation Group

Mapping individual pen usage from issue to expiration for inventory forecasting.

25

Personal Device Charging Station Quota Unit

Allocating fair amperage access across shared energy zones.

26

Lunch & Learn RSVP Compliance Review

Ensuring educational lunches meet minimum attendance thresholds.

27

Post-Lunch Productivity Analytics Group

Quantifying afternoon slowdowns to justify caffeine incentive budgets.

28

Visitor Sticker Design Review and Archiving Taskforce

Approving visual standards for guest badges across all departments.

29

Low-Priority Email Response Accountability Office

Auditing “seen but not replied to” messages for escalation readiness.

30

Team Synergy Metrics and Ideation Council

Tracking the intangible benefits of group-based motivational synergy.

31

Employee Lanyard Alignment Board

Promoting consistent badge orientation as a soft indicator of morale.

32

Q4 Birthday Recognition Workflow Subgroup

Automating fourth-quarter cake distribution per headcount delta.

33

Pre-Meeting Icebreaker Evaluation Department

Rating icebreakers for team cohesion yield and eye-roll risk.

34

Holiday Decorations Compliance Task Unit

Ensuring seasonal office decor meets code and denominational neutrality.

35

Cross-Divisional Buzzword Synchronization Panel

Aligning strategic phrasing across teams for optimal synergy leverage.

36

Keeps Their Workspace Spotless Office

(Formerly janitorial task force) Now focused on peer-led desk maintenance behavior modeling.

37-38

Unclaimed Umbrella Inventory Management Team

Tracking and reassigning umbrellas abandoned in lobby #3 since FY18.

39

Intra-Division Calendar Color Coding Standards Team

Preventing calendrical chaos through approved color coordination schemes.

40

Redundant Workflow Optimization Committee

Identifying duplicative processes and recommending newer redundant alternatives.

41

Post-Merge Logo Usage Enforcement Division

Removing legacy logos from all unofficial internal media assets.

42

Mousepad Texture Quality Control Group

Ensuring mousepads across floors meet Async’s certified glide standards.

43

Personal Mug Storage Harmonization Office

Encouraging a unified approach to shelf-level mug arrangements.

44

Hand Soap Dispensation Volume Advisory Panel

Standardizing hand soap output across all bathroom fixtures.

45

Pre-Approved Signature Font Library Unit

Controlling outbound document tone through strict font enforcement.

46

Quarterly Badge Access Revalidation Group

Updating access permissions and revoking expired authorizations quarterly.

47

Cross-Division Scent Diffuser Procurement & Ethics Council

Evaluating diffuser placement and scent fairness across shared air zones.

48

Fluorescent Lighting Hue Calibration Taskforce

Maintaining acceptable lighting temperature ranges across open-plan zones.

49

Left-Handed Office Supply Advocacy Board

Ensuring parity in scissor and mouse placement across workstations.

50

Internal Memo Language Audit Department

Removing adjectives deemed “too enthusiastic” from all memos.

51

Conference Room Door Creek Prevention Committee

Lubricating all known acoustic distractions within shared meeting zones.

52

Approved Desk Ornament Registry Bureau

Cataloging all visible non-functional desk items for brand consistency.

53

Lunch Container Size & Storage Compliance Office

Enforcing maximum Tupperware dimensions in shared refrigeration areas.

54-55

Company-Wide Typo Incident Archive

Documenting misspellings that made it to publication for future avoidance.

56

Employee Shoe Sound Regulation Board

Minimizing disruptive heel-clicking in high-traffic corridor zones.

57

Company-Wide Nap Denial Policy Taskforce

Monitoring for unsanctioned “micro-naps” between 2–4 PM.

58-59

Printer Toner Replacement Oversight Unit

Approving timing and brand of toner refills based on predictive models.

60

Elevator Door-Hold Ethics Committee

Reviewing surveillance footage for excessive lobby wait abuse.

61

Internal Ping Response Benchmark Board

Setting standards for “reasonable Slack reply time” across verticals.

62

Company Swag Distribution Equality Board

Ensuring equitable hoodie and mug distribution across remote/in-office split.

63

Emergency Dry Erase Marker Supply Chain

Providing emergency markers within 30 seconds of a boardroom failure.

64

Internal Font Classification Bureau

Creating Async’s official style lexicon for serif/sans discourse resolution.

65

Memo Tone Calibration Squad

Harmonizing interdepartmental emails to reduce aggressive enthusiasm.

66

Scented Hand Sanitizer Usage Policy Group

Reviewing allowed fragrance thresholds per scent diffusion policy.

67

“What Is Async?” New Hire Orientation Thinktank

Refining the mission summary despite no one knowing what Async does.

68

Internal Jargon to Plain Speech Converter Team

Translating mission statements into legally readable summaries.

69

Archival Interoffice Envelope Tagging Group

Tracing the migration of reused manila envelopes for internal studies.

70

Executive Floor Plant Watering Accountability Unit

Preventing silent hydric neglect of upper-management ficuses.

71

Casual Friday Phrasing Clarification Council

Defining what “casual” means to avoid another 2019 incident.

72

Approved Microwave Button Usage Guide Panel

Standardizing safe input sequences to avoid popcorn-related fires.

73

Acceptable Mouse Click Volume Research Lab

Studying decibel ranges for prolonged productivity impact.

74

Bathroom Mirror Fog Density Analytics Group

Correlating steam build-up with time-of-day traffic trends.

75

Pens-From-Home Registration Office

Verifying personal pen compliance with Async’s ink policy.

76

Cubicle Decoration Load-Bearing Capacity Advisory

Ensuring mounted motivational posters don’t exceed thumbtack thresholds.

77

Rotating Chair Squeak Classification Unit

Cataloging and prioritizing complaints about acoustic chair failure.

78

Unused Desk Cable Management Program

Coiling and labeling mystery cables to restore visual tidiness.

79

Departmental Temperature Preference Arbitration Board

Mediating thermostat wars between finance and HR.

80

Lobby Fountain Water Flow Consistency Taskforce

Balancing pressure and noise output for ambient tranquility.

81

Smartwatch Notification Etiquette Office

Defining wrist-gesture frequency norms in silent meetings.

82-84

Brand Tone Emergency Email Rewrite Unit

Converting rage emails into passive-aggressive apologies on request.

85

Floor Tile Creak Probability Prediction Team

Mapping audible weak spots to guide executive walk paths.

86

Controlled Sarcasm Expression Council

Defining sarcasm thresholds for interdepartmental Slack messages.

87

Pens-Per-Employee Equity Taskforce

Maintaining exact pen-per-head ratios by quarter.

88

Pet Photo Slack Channel Moderation Panel

Preventing oversaturation of “Look at my dog” content.

89-90

Unofficial Mascot Morale Monitoring Office

Tracking spontaneous office meme-creature popularity cycles.

91

Pre-Reply Internal Sigh Duration Study Group

Measuring pause-before-reply behavior to calibrate frustration norms.

92

Unsolicited Advice Containment Bureau

Reducing cross-departmental “Have you tried…” incidents.

93

Weekly Motivational Email Typo Patrol

Proofreading HR’s Thursday morning pep messages.

94

Cubicle Plant-to-Coffee Ratio Taskforce

Encouraging optimal nature-to-caffeine desk balance.

95-96

Redundant Binder Storage Recovery Group

Disposing of obsolete binders still marked “Do Not Discard.”

97-98

Archive Box Lid Compatibility Council

Sorting mismatched lids and boxes to reduce archival waste.