1

A.R.I.a.D.N.E's Thread

Some egghead probably thought themselves clever when they gave this the backronym: A.R.I.a.D.N.E. (Artificial Realm Indexing, Depth Navigation Estimator) that they gave to the navigation tape that has been left behind by avid Office explorers past.  The name is printed on the tape stuck to the floor, emblazoned with helpful arrows even, and what seems like some sort of strange QR-code or something every few feet!  It may or may not point the way towards civilization once more, or it might be an Office Folly, something generated with seemingly no purpose, and yet an eerie reality -- or it may even be a trap of some sort.. do you trust it?

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

Resolve: {"Follow the Yellow Brick Road!"|"You never really remember the beginning of a dream, do you.  You always wind up right in the middle of what's going on."}

Resolve: {"I mean, this is an accident, a forgotten, perpetual public works project. Do you think anybody wants to ask questions... All they want is a clear conscience and a fat paycheck."|"I don't wanna die, I'm just being realistic. You think they'd go to all the trouble to build this thing if we could just walk out..."}

2

The Severed Floor

The layout of the severed floor is distinguished by a confusing, maze-like network of narrow, blank, white-walled hallways, occasionally broken up by typically unmarked closed doorways. A bluish-gray vinyl foot-well line at the base of the wall panels occurs where they meet the floor, as well as vertical reveal grooves at each panel edge, and an extremely uniform lighting grid on the ceiling are the only real positional indicators that one is actually moving down these very long hallways. There are large office areas and conference rooms that appear unused and empty of everything but basic furniture, sometimes draped in plastic. Every room is white, and the furniture can be described as an obscure version of mid-century modern, with white or dark grey upholstery.  When there are desks, and computers, they are dated, with monochrome CRT terminals in a sort of 'beigey' "PANTONE® 14-0105 TPG Overcast" retrofuturistic computer box with a color scheme that has a highlight matching the predominate colors of the office.  Occasionally there are steel filing cabinets painted of a smokey gray.

Resolve: {"A handshake is available on request"|"Mandatory Overtime"}

"You know, my mother was an atheist. She used to say that there was good news and bad news about hell."

3

The Cult

The space has been transformed into what seems like the headquarters of an enigmatic religious cult. The walls are adorned with mystical symbols and intricate murals depicting otherworldly beings, their alien visages eerily illuminated by flickering candlelight or covered in shimmery metallic fabrics, depicting scenes of a cosmic journey through stars and galaxies. The floors are adorned with plush purple carpets, and the ceilings with twinkling LED lights, mimicking a starry night sky.  The once sterile cubicles are now a sort of meditation chamber, filled with cushions and adorned with colorful tapestries, and at the center the room has been converted into a grandiose altar, adorned with crystals, statues, and relics from "distant galaxies".  Stacks of poorly copied cult literature are likely here as well, blowing around like so much dead leaves in the fall.

"Ray, if someone asks if you are a god, you say, “Yes!”"

"George Washington, man, he was in a cult, and the cult was into aliens, man. You didn't know that?"

4

The Garbage Compactor

In rare instances, the walls or ceiling or floor move.  Sometimes slowly, sometimes only when not looked at, and other times quite violently.  When the effect is combined with a Cattle Chute, or a Fifth Wall, it is exceptionally dangerous.  Occasionally though, the area is really a real Garbage Compactor for compacting cardboard or shredded paper products of the office.. still dangerous, watch out for Corkboard Canyons made of Cardboard, they might actually be inside one of these and prone to dangerous collapse.

"Shut Down All The Garbage Mashers on The Detention Level!"

"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society."

5

Breaking the Fifth Wall

This area is strangely bent, like it has five right angled walls but you wouldn't notice it.  The way out is to find the fifth wall.  Careful or Clever study is required to notice the strange tricks that perspective pulls.

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"If you are looking for a way out and you wind up on the fifth wall of what seems like a square room, chances are you missed an opening."

"Optical Delusions"

6

The Seven and a Half-th Floor

Like the off-kilter LesterCorp, from the film "Being John Malkovich",  located on the five-foot tall 7 1/2th floor of a Manhattan office building.

"High Ceilinged Rooms Mock My Small Stature!"

"Love Is Just A Hole In The Wall"

7

The Seven and a Half-th Floor CEO Office

The CEOs corner office, but with a low ceiling.  Opulently decorated, but utterly useless.

"High Ceilinged Rooms Mock My Small Stature!"

"Mandatory Fun / Unpaid Overtime"

8

The Hole in the Wall (Break Room)

Like The Seventh and a Half-th Floor, this is a little place turned into a break-area.  Sometimes it's like something from the Borrowers.  What Makes it different from a Micro Kitchen is the improvised or accidental nature of the area, compared to a Micro Kitchen's deliberate sterility.  You won't find a Food Safety Grade Here though, so Watch What You Eat.

"What is This, A Break Room For Ants?!"

"Love Is Just A Hole In The Wall"

9

The Cognito Hazard

Your brain just can't handle what it is seeing here. Trying to describe it, might just infect your mind again, and lead to a blackout. Or maybe it's not visual, but auditory, or psychic? The point is, this area is dangerous to your health, or affects you or your friends.

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"Don't Look Now"

"Langford-Berryman Memetic Kill Agent"

10

Void

There is Nothing to See Here.  Watch Out For the Time Knife.

"Nothing to See Here, Folks"

"All Is Well"

11-15

Generic Office Interior

Just your generic office building interior.  It's so boring.

"Nothing to See Here, Folks"

"All Is Well"

16

The Cubicle Farm

Where Office Workers are trapped, dreams get dragged to the back of, get shot in the head and die. Usually fields of many office cubicles, each indistinguishable from the next; sometimes some of the cubicles are inexplicably differently sized, as if they are growing, or differently shaped, as if mutated. If it doesn't drive Robert Propst of the Action Office to commit ritual suicide you aren't doing it right.

"Where Dreams Go"

"Mandatory Overtime"

17-20

Totally Normal Cubicles

A totally normal cubical, or small collection of them, the most common sight here. Really looks just like an office cubicle for business. Each are unique works of art, the sort of practical emplacement perfectly mimicking reality (usually). Walls are either full, 3/4, or half height. Stock photos, wallets, purses, coats, sometimes other things placed uniquely upon the desks... like someone really works here. From time to time, the generator screws up and minor oddities accumulate, things like all the pictures being of the same dog with different owners, or the name-plate declaring someone's job as: "Imperial Radish Franspector"

"(Let's Get Down to) Business"

"Mondays, Am I Right?"

21

The Lonely Cubicle

Just a single cubicle all by its lonesome, and that makes it interesting, or dangerous; maybe surrounded by a larger space, either empty, or of another type, or be filled with enemies waiting to ambush.

"It's a Trap!"

"The Coast Is Clear Guys!"

22

The Anti-Cubicle

Most Cubicles have 4 walls and a floor, have some space in the center, and an opening in one of the walls; instead this is just a sort of cube or generic polytope (maybe a polyhedron, or higher dimensional analogue) made completely of cubicle walls, seemingly containing nothing else... though you might be able to stand on it, offering a higher vantage point.

"Get A Higher Vantage Point"

"Seems Pretty Solid To Me..."

23

The Recursive Field (Cubicle)

Cubicles (like a Cubicle Farm) in repeating fractal patterns, with smaller cubicles inside, ad infinitum. Entering one may or may not result in strange spatial phenomenon, shrinking or enlarging those traveling through to match the local scale... everything repeats and it is difficult to grasp how many layers deep one might be...

"What Are These, Cubicles for Ants!!?"

"Its Cubicles All the Way Down!"

24-26

The Totally Normal Office

A totally normal office with desk, chair, coat hanger, waste-bin tchotchkes, phone, etc. In the only unlocked desk drawer is a stack of unused post-it notes that shimmer. A coffee cup hangs suspended in the air just above a coat hanger with a puffy winter coat on it. There are still snowflakes on the shoulder and a receipt for milk dated March 17, 1942

“That Office From the Film Brazil”

“Where Hopes and Dreams Go to Die“

27-28

New Age "Future" Workspace

No desk phone! No Desktops! NO PAPER! Cube walls? NO! All is free form, no walls, all digital, all laptops and cellphones! Dead is the restrictive spaces of old. All harken the gestalt space known as the New Age Office™. Look with awe & terror. Strewn across a confusing wasteland of haphazard standing desks, no chairs, except for those bizarre modern-art "pods'' from the sixties, bean bag chairs, swings, an absolutely disturbing number of dry-cleaning bags filled with black turtlenecks. The sort of environment where employees attempt to work while everyone's business is everyone's business, and slowly (black turtleneck wearing management believes) a hive mind may form, creating new highs of productivity and creativity!!

"Black Turtleneck Hive Mind"

"TPS Report DAO using Bitcoin!"

29

The totally (Ab)Normal Office

The room is filled with mundane office supplies and equipment, but they are all subtly twisted and distorted in unsettling ways. The desks and chairs are all misshapen and creaking, and the computer monitors flicker with strange symbols and distorted images. The carpet squelches underfoot as though it were wet, and the fluorescent lights emit a sickly green glow. It's a strange and disturbing environment that seems to shift and warp as one moves through it, and it's clear that something is not quite right. The furniture and equipment often have a more clunky and mechanical appearance, with exposed gears and levers, and the computer monitors are usually monochrome green. The walls may be adorned with propaganda posters and slogans.

"The office may be empty, but it's not deserted."

"Information Transit got the wrong man, I got the right room." - Brazil (1985)

30

The Tiny Office

Like a Totally Normal Office except smaller, sometimes the door smashes into the desk and you have to squeeze around it, sometimes two adjacent offices share a desk, or two employees share the same office desk at the same time, or it's bisected down the middle by a wall, or like The Cluttered Desk, but there isn’t enough room for the furniture, or actually really small, like for Ants.

“That Office From the Film Brazil”

“An Empty Desk, is an Efficient Desk!“

31

Office of the CEO

Clutter free desk with 1980s computer on it & an iPhone VR18. (Were you to/When you) turn on the computer, it loads a menu: A. Email, B. Plays Doom (Classic) C. Expense Report with nothing but symbols. Phone isn't charged. Floor covered with various Stacks of Papers and HR files. Often Windows, maybe more than one, Do Not Gaze Upon Them Over-long, for the OUTSIDE is DANGEROUS. Possibly hear jovial humming of a janitor, layered over a busy phone line; the sounds (might) be coming from the seats or two chairs in front of the CEO’s desk, or find 12 duplicate golf bags filled to the top with golf balls; despite the bags being dry, each ball recently fished out of water, the more balls you take out of a bag, the more water you reveal, but the inside of the bags stay dry.. That kind of thing.

"Who's The Boss!?"

"Mandatory Fun / Unpaid Overtime"

32-34

Human Resources

Often a sort of quiet, forgotten little office, where every wall is plastered with "Know Your Rights!" informatic posters (proclaiming gibberish or legal nonsense usually), fake plants, and plaques and certificates for things like "Bronze Swimming Certificate" and "Employee of the Ones Who Show Up Occasionally!"

"Six Years of Law School and Here I Am?"

"Fingernail Clippings Pinging Off the Wall"

35

Human Resources (H.R. Giger)

Rarely, when a Human Resources Node is spawned, things go dark... fast. Corporate slogans on every wall depicting perfect people with painful smiles on every front room surface, help pamphlets and post modern furniture everywhere... But if you step into the offices from the foyer, you find racks, crosses, swings, and orgy pits made out of techno-organic flesh-puppet, or chitin. In the most deceptively dangerous versions of these, you need to watch out for the blue glow of the Cherenkov Radiation.

"Learning the Ropes the Hard Way"

"Relationships with Co-Workers are Frowned Upon, Unless All the Ends Are Neatly Tied Up"

36

(De)Motivational Poster Alley

Posters one might see in an office, resembling motivational or informational posters, but the motivational phrases and images they use are often surreal saying like: "I Want To Don't Believe Everything You Think" on a picture of an old woman without a face; or "Maximize Entropy; Entropize Maximy!!" with a child with three eyes playing with a dog with none. “Loose Talk is Noose Talk”, “Don’t Suspect A Friend, Report Him”, “Information Is The Key To Prosperity.”, “Be Safe, Be Suspicious”, etc. Sometimes several layers thick, extra strange, & start to have their own oppressive psychic energy projection, ‘squeezes’ down to a kind of alley; sometimes a literal alley too, a narrow traversable area between two other rooms... they may actually be memetic info-hazards.

"Mindfulness: You Found Albert!"

"Post No Bills."

37-39

The Supply Closet

Things can get a little weird with all this stuff laying around... this is a claustrophobic maze of metal shelves (potentially) filled with office supplies and loot, or just a small closet with a single cramped shelf devoid of anything interesting, or hiding something valuable but forgotten...

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind!"

"Well Supplied!"

40-42

Janitorial Closet

Like the Supply Closet, the slightly more rare Janitorial Closet can be a weird place. Instead of office supplies, it's shelving is usually filled with (sometimes more dangerous) chemicals, mops & brooms (which can sometimes seem to be growing like plant-life), (maybe) a source of (possibly safe?) water? from mop-sinks and spigots, when they aren't flooding the place.

"Make A Fort From The Wet Floor Signs"

"Slippery When Wet"

43

The Clean Room (Janitorial)

(In a normal office, usually) All the floors are (nominally) the same in layout. The janitor's room, (usually) around the corner from the Lifts, is (occasionally) an average looking door with the word "Cleaners" marked in silver letters, although signage often varies significantly; that's just any ordinary Janitorial Closet -- what makes a "Clean Room" special is that, on this floor, the door won't open. The handle turns but no amount of force will make the door move, like there's a vacuum on the other side. The soft hum of engines, maybe turbines can be heard through it. The silver letters on this door simply say "Clean".

"This Sucks!"

"Boss Fight with a Vacuum Cleaner"

44

The Slackers' Wild and Wet-Wall Hangout

Very Rarely, a Janitorial Closet merges with a Break-room, and HVAC Center; the sort of place (if this were an actual place) that Steve, the awkward technician with penchants for gibberish Latin phrases, yellow-blue teeth, wearing those weird ass hats, & is always, somehow, hanging out. Filled with pipes, HVAC, electrical & legacy cabling along one wall, usually only a small light in the corner. For when you just gotta' get away and be one with the HUM of the machinery. If you blow smoke just right it's sucked into the exhaust vent; which is weird, because it's an all electrically powered building (or maybe your building is a coal-burning steampunk nightmare, I'm not judging). The exhaust stack is always oddly hot to the touch and has an oily sheen to it, or there are evil glyphs on the floor. Occasionally, ritualistic totems of office supply technology occasionally fuse here, and no.. that was never a sentence I thought that I would be typing today.

"Too Hot To Handle"

"Smoke Filled Backrooms"

45-46

(By) The Water Cooler

The place everyone gathers around to gossip. Could be in a little hidden nook and filled with printer ink and demotivational posters starring Loab on the wall, or it's just a regular water cooler dramatically lit in the middle of a square mile of barren carpet tiles and nothing else (and isn't that just not suspicious at all)? Themes: "Nature Documentary", "Spill that Hot Goss".

"Nature Documentary"

"Spill that Hot Goss".

47-49

The Broken Break Room

Office break room, but everything is out of order and doesn't work. If it seems to work, trust me.. it doesn't, or it works in seemingly impossible and deleterious ways.

"Who Ate My Lunch?"

"Out of Order!"

50-52

The Break Room (Kitchen)

Occasionally break-rooms serve a purpose to (nominally) prepare employee meals, equipment like microwaves, coffee makers, sinks, etc. are functional sometimes; be sure to look around for the Letter Grade from whatever hellscape equivalent of the Food Safety commission around here, that is (supposed) to be prominently displayed.. you might be taking your life or sanity into your hands using anything that isn't a high enough grade.

"Who Ate My Lunch?"

"Ever-present Odor of Microwaved Fish & Burnt Popcorn."

53-55

The Break Room (Vending Machines)

When the machines aren't pretending to be the Capitalist reboots of the Symplegades out of ancient myth, crashing together or tipping over precariously at anyone foolish enough to interact with them, they sometimes actually work, and vend.. things. You might forget the buttons are non-Euclidean and keep offering ever stranger options as you hover your fingers over them. Upscale break rooms have furniture, often hellscape renditions in shades of Millennial Gray.

"Sad, Unhealthy Meals"

"The Hum Compels You, But It Only Takes Three Dollar Bills"

56-57

The Office Canteen

Sometimes whatever generates these areas chooses to generate something resembling an in-office "canteen" or shop or restaurant that (nominally) serves food, coffee, or other refreshments. Basically a Break Room Kitchen, but with cash-registers, sometimes they work, have things that resemble real-world equivalents but usually just a little bit weird, or the quality of the place is just awful, with rotting food, or disgusting environs. Be sure to look for the Food Safety Rating posted "prominently" somewhere nearby!

"Are You Gonna Eat That?"

"Food Safety Inspectors Wanted"

58

A (Totally) Normal Cafeteria

When an "Office Canteen" grows large or complicated enough, the area transforms into a "Normal Cafeteria". Food just (sometimes) appears here, but it’s strange: Brands of soda you’ve never heard of, raspberry and vanilla milk, parsnip chips, African nut & beef dishes, fruit salads including pumpkin tomatoes. Menu changes (seemingly daily; in areas where it appears regularly, never seems to be improperly stored or be out long enough that food-safety is an issue -- Look for the food safety letter grade, people!!!) You'll never be able to see who (or what) makes the food. Any attempt to watch where the food appears when it’s one of the regularly scheduled times often results in a loud noise, explosion, or strange sensation distracting you so that it can't be seen, and then somehow leaving one with the conclusion that they either saw it and immediately forgot, or that they decided it was a bad idea to look, or that it was a stupid idea anyway, and didn't matter...

"This Line Never Moves".

"Are You Gonna Eat That?"

59

The Cereal Bar

Kind of Like the Cafeteria, in the real world, these places are designed by corporate overlords as a subtle way to encourage their employees to donate additional time to the office, and never leave. Not always cereal, some weirder versions might include nothing but broccoli, sausages, or "shrümp". Usually decorated with an "corporate-modern" or "corporate-millennial" or "Tech-bro-VC-unicorn" vibe. As always, watch out for the Food Safety Rating posted nearby.

"Roaches Check in, But they Never Hotel California."

"Who Needs Sleep? We Have Cereal!"

60

Micro Kitchen

Like a regular Break Room Kitchen, but smaller. Trendy in Tech-bro-VC-Unicorn Startups. Or literally Tiny.

“Look For The Food Safety Letter Grade

“What Is This, A Kitchen For Ants?”

61-62

The Mail Room

Filled with envelopes and packages. Who knows what's inside? Sometimes it's filled with little cubbies with random names that the envelopes are stuffed into.

"Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia, this whole box is Pepe Silvia!"

"Lost in the Mail"

63

The Mail Room Too, Pneumatic Pipe Maze Boogaloo

Filled with chaotic maze-mess of pneumatic tubes for swift delivery of small envelopes and packages throughout the complex at dizzying speeds. Might be the perfect place if this area was for a boss-fight...

"Biblically Accurate Postage Supply Angel"

"Did You Get That Thing that Peter Potomus Sent You?"

64

The Washroom

A single stall, with or without stall doors, and a porcelain or steel contraption that may or may not resemble anything usable by a human as a toilet. Alternatively, there's more than one stall but none work and every single fixture is a different hellscape version of art dreamt up by Marcel Duchamp. There might be a single mirror and a sink, with a soap dispenser (likely empty), a paper towel dispenser, and waste basket. The walls and floor are often tiled with ceramic tile, were one to attempt to smash thru the wall behind the plumbing fixture one would discover a dust filled tunnel crammed with pipes leading to other floors.

"(All) Washed Up"

"(There's a) Millennial Gray Bathroom Inside a Mexican Restaurant"

65

HVAC Center

In regular offices, this might be the boiler room, or where most of the heating, ventilation, and air-conditioning equipment are centralized. Here though, it's likely to be a terrifyingly complex maze of ductwork, steam filled pipes, and high voltage.

"Dark Rituals and WD-40"

"Hell is Too Damn Hot, Fix the Thermostat!"

66

The Ductwork

Go on, pretend you're Bruce Willis playing Det. Mclane in Die Hard.

"Come Out to the Coast. We’ll Get Together. Have a Few Laughs…"

"Watch Out for Dust-bunnies and Sharp Fan Blades"

67

The Sub-Ceiling

Up above the acoustic ceiling, but below the concrete floor above. A maze of pipes, wires, and HVAC. Possible mode of egress between isolated areas / locked doors.

"Ceiling Cat is Watching You"

"Watch Out for Dust-bunnies and Sharp Fan Blades"

68

The Sub-Floor Void

Home to all those power & data cables your desk needs so that you can work. The void can be anywhere from a few inches to many feet deep and can vary in difficult parts of the room. The floor as you know it is held up by hundreds of legs resting on the floor of the void.

“Home to Rats, Monsters, Borrowers and Spies.”

“Full of Crumbs and Dust Bunnies”

69-70

The Basement

Usually concrete, brutalist horror. Poorly lit, lots of echoes. Floods often. Often Where Research and Development, or the Parking is

“No Matter How Low You Go, There's Always An Unexplored Basement.”

“Like the Horror Movies”

71-72

The Steam Tunnels/Utilidor

Often in the Basement, or lower. Connects different parts of the Complex to the HVAC center. Many 80’s action movies had gun fight sequences in places like this.

“Random Steam Line Bursts”

“Echoing Footsteps Running”

73-74

The Archives

Incredibly Varied, usually Labyrinthine. Often towering Shelves or stacks or reels or canisters or card catalogs or drawers of Records, Cards, Items, Etc. Sometimes the Shelves are on rollers or move or slide by themselves, so be careful and don't get crushed, or they are stacked multiple stories tall, sometimes they are only knee high.

"The Library Card Catalog from Ghostbusters"

"Let Us Save What Remains"

75

The Stacks (Of Paper)

The floor is covered with various stacks of papers and HR files, all for a worker named Herman who, as far as anyone can tell, is a common salamander; alternatively the papers are reports and line-graphs with no labels or units on the axis, etc. The piles of paper stacked, sometimes in boxes, are extremely heavy, and a fire-hazard, some tipped precariously enough to cause an avalanche. Sometimes the papers and file folders form a sort of tunnel, leading to some sort of hellish office-based Narnia.

"Paperwork Shuffle"

“Lost in the Byzantine Maze of Bureaucracy”

76

The Server Room

Massive Mazes made from Monoliths of Computation, or just slammed into a closet somewhere. Lots of wires. Lots of intimidating blinkenlights. Sometimes next to the IT Dungeon.

"Wait.. the Internet.. is in there!??"

“The System Is Down (Song)“

77

The IT Dungeon

This area sometimes generates places that resemble the set of beloved late 2000s British TV Sitcom "The IT Crowd"; or resembles a horny-jail / sex-dungeon for socially maladroit NEETs, but usually it's the sort of area chock full of strange shaped screwdrivers, badly smashed hard-drives, copiers, and graveyard of computer cases.

"I Said, 'Do You Think You'd Die If You Drank Wee?'"

"Did You Try Turning It Off and then On Again?"

78

Customer Service

Physical manifestation of tele-communications infrastructure; chaotic webs of wires hooked up to an uncountable number of computers ranging from sleekly futuristic to working mechanical models of Babbage’s Calculating Engine. The sort of place you'd expect to fight a boss battle, facing a horrific spider-thing made from digital machinery. Various speakers & noise-makers attached to devices emit sounds, sometimes understandable language like: "Press buttons for response."

“For Assistance Returning to Your Realm of Origin Press Z”, “Your Call is Important to Us”

“If You’re Trapped on an Impossibly High Spider Web of Wires Over a Chasm as Deep as the Grand Canyon Please Do Not Press Pound."

79

The Directory

Usually Boards or Signs at the Front that tells you (nominally) who is supposed to be working in what office. Maybe names are for companies that don't exist, or it lists a phone number, are not in English, or they refer to impossible floor or room-numbers, maybe not even writing or numbers, but an impossible to define impression of confusion, ennui, or profound loss.

"Dave's Not Here, Man"

"Amanda Hugginkis? Does Amanda Hugginkis Work Here?"

80

Information Kiosk

These (usually simplistic, but sometimes extremely complicated) kiosks (sometimes) accept verbal command in any language, or display all floors in chronological order of last scheduled maintenance, or speaks & prints out responses on ticker tape with a lisp, or if you use Polish (Sometimes Other Languages Instead), it also adds a rude comment.

"You are Here, or Here, or Maybe Here."

"Get Lost!"

81-83

Totally Normal Hallways

Should be obvious what this one does. Sometimes the doors actually go to places like the Washroom or the Tiny Office or a Conference Room, or it’s really a Real Fake Doors Emporium in disguise.

“Charging Down the Hallway Like Death In a Duster“

“Engage Scooby Doo Cartoon Chase Sequence!“

84

The Endless Hallway

One of those camera tricks in horror films, this hallway seems endless. See the Totally Normal Hallway.

“When One Door Closes Another Opens Often There is a Long Hallway in Between.”

“Crowded Hallways, are the Loneliest Places”

85

The Penrose Hallway

Like an Endless Hallway, except it goes in a loop, like a Penrose Stair. No matter how far you walk or how many turns you take you’re always in the same hallway.

“Crowded Hallways, are the Loneliest Places”

“Engage Scooby Doo Cartoon Chase Sequence!“

86-88

The Elevator (Lifts)

An Elevator connects multiple levels. Sometimes the buttons (and connections) are endless and non-Euclidean, sometimes the concept of buttons haven’t been invented yet and the elevator is manually operated.. Not all elevators have a ceiling or floor escape hatch, or even cab-walls.. Some are only large enough for one person, or are instead designed to haul freight.  The indicator (in the cab, or on the wall outside) may or may not be accurate, may be actively lying to you, or not use the concept of floor numbers.

"So Many Choices, So Little Time"

"Ground floor: Perfumery/Stationery and Leather Goods/Wigs and Haberdashery/Kitchenware and Food/Going Up!"

89

The Lifts (Maintenance)

Ladders, power lifts, scaffolding, etc. Sometimes the equipment is Outside (DO NOT GO OUTSIDE). Alternatively, a shaft with zero gravity instead of an Elevator.

"(Not) OSHA Approved?"

"Going Up!"

90

Under Construction

When facilities maintenance goes HAM, or they need to remodel. Sometimes whole floors are left unfinished and walled off. Exposed studs, pipes, ductwork, and wires. Near Areas Under Construction, there are usually scaffoldings, ladders, and waste chutes to assist in the work.

"Hard Hat Required"

"Call the Contractors"

91

House of Stairs

M.C. Escher, 195 The stairs are on the wall, or the ceiling, or the floor, and gravity seems to align with the local face of whatever the stairs are on.

"You Remind Me of the Babe/What Babe?"

"Optical Delusion"

92-96

The Emergency Stairwell

These barren shafts contain stairs between levels. They often have fire doors at each floor, and are usually made of fireproof material or concrete. In real offices at least one emergency stairwell exits to the Outside or the Entryway. (DO NOT GO OUTSIDE)

"Is it Getting Hot In Here?"

"Alarm Will Sound."

97

The Entryway

Many Buildings have Entryways that connect to the Outside. Do Not Go Outside. Sometimes the Things OUTSIDE want INSIDE. Sometimes Entryways are Windows and automatic doors, sometimes simply steel fire-doors with locks, fancier old office buildings have revolving doors or big glass storefronts. If there’s a storefront type entry, then it usually opens up into a Lobby or Atrium

"The Outside is Dangerous"

"You Spin Me Right Round Baby"

98-100

The Lobby

A room providing a space out of which one or more other rooms or corridors lead. The room right off the Entryway, or Elevator or Stairwell, often connected to a Reception area. If it’s big and has lots of “natural” light, it’s probably an Atrium.

"You are Here, or Here, or Maybe Here."

"Find the Receptionist"

101-104

The Atrium

Can also be Lobbies. A large room lit by daylight from above or large Windows (Do Not Look Outside), into which rooms open at one or more levels. Often the "Entry" of a complex, or has Greenspace, or has Art, or Reception, or Security Screening, or All of the Above.

"(Don't) Let the Outside In"

"The Social and Architectural Heart of the Complex"

105-106

The Atrium (Stairs)

Stairs that are an architectural feature, and a big open space to a Lobby or Atrium below. Often balconies, sometimes Elevators or Escalators. Sometimes Windows or Doors to the Outside from one floor to another. (Do Not Gaze Outside)

"Twelve Step Plan"

"Don't Trip."

107

The Escalator (Stairs)

Surprisingly rare in real-life, these take up more space than regular stairs, and are less reliable than elevators; they’re also basically death-traps waiting to swallow up the unwary. If they do spawn, they’re usually near or attached to Atriums or Sky-Bridges. The weirdest ones sometimes turn into Penrose Stairs.

Resolve: {“Well, That Escalated Quickly”|"Man, there's not a year that goes by--not a year--that I don't read about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid that could've easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!"}

“Why Not Just Take the Elevator? -They'll be Expecting That."

108

The Atrium (Bridge)

Basically an Atrium with a walkway Bridge suspended across it.

"Hyatt Regency Walkway Collapse"

"Have The High Ground"

109

The Outside

Don't Go Outside. Always Dangerous. Sometimes blurry, or poorly defined, or foggy, or like the sky reminds you of Edvard Munch’s The Scream or it looks like an abandoned Arby's Parking-lot, complete with red glow from a sign that shouldn’t ever be llit, but is

"Outside is Dangerous"

"Agoraphobics Anonymous"

110

The Sky Well

Places where the Outside (Do Not Go Outside) pokes through, with no roof or ceiling. Could be little court-yards, or gardens, or gravel zen gardens or Xeriscaping, sometimes only a few feet across but lets “Natural Light” and “Air” through. If it has a skylight, it might be an Atrium instead.

"The Light! It BURNS!"

"Agoraphobics Anonymous"

111-114

The Windows

We’ve told you before that the Outside is DANGEROUS. Do Not Gaze Upon It. Sometimes the things OUTSIDE want INSIDE, or windows simultaneously look out from a 30th floor skyscraper in Manhattan and a Motel 6 parking lot in Ohio, or the sky is an ineffable hue that reminds you of Edvard Munch’s The Scream.

“Reality is Just a Suggestion”

“We Told You Not To Look Outside”

115

The Roof

I mean it would probably mean going Outside (DO NOT GO OUTSIDE); but every building has a roof good for two things: Action Packed Parkour and Helicopter Escapes/Blowing Up.

“Get to the Chopper!”

“What were you doing on the roof, Hans?”

116

The Skybridge

Doubly Dangerous. Not only does it Look Upon The Outside (Do Not Look Outside), but it is a Bridge Over Whatever The Hell Reality Warping Shit Is Down There.

“No Good Can Come of This”

“Do Not Gaze Upon The Outside”

117-120

1% for Art

“Big Business Loves to Flash Cultural Credentials”, sometimes offices host art installations, and occasionally they actually spruce up the place; sometimes it’s just a 25 ton stone head or a weird fountain.

“Seagram's Liquor Presents: San Lorenzo Monument I”

“Corning Glass Presents: ‘Two Structural Constellations’ by Josef Albers”

121-122

(Art) Of the Founder

Not shaped at all like a human, though what its shaped like is hard to explain. Looking at the 20 ft tall portrait has the same effect as looking Outside (DO NOT LOOK OUTSIDE).

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"Visionary. Philanthropist."

"Eldritch Father of The New Age".

123-126

Parking Structure

Usually a Brutalist Dystopian fever-dream made of concrete and asphalt where all the cars are parked, and lit with the sort of harsh lighting that still creates dark shadowy voids perfect for a black-bag kidnapping, or physical assault. Often in the Basement and sort of like a concrete bunker, but occasionally multi-story, and with portions exposed to the Outside (DO NOT GO OUTSIDE).

“Be Careful if the Cars Can Move.”

“The Ever Present Sound of Squealing Tires”

127-128

Parking Lot

A lonely, place inflicting kenopsia upon the unwary.  A vast field of asphalt or concrete outside, broken only by the presence of parking bollards, sickly outdoor landscaping, and exterior lighting. Like all places OUTSIDE, this area is dangerous. (DO NOT GO OUTSIDE).  It is often a long walk.

Resolve: {“Be Careful if the Cars Can Move.”|"Dude, Where's my Car\?"}

Resolve: {"The Outside is Dangerous!"|"The Light! It BURNS!"}

129

Parking (Streetside)

On-Street Parallel or Diagonal Parking. Don't Go Outside. Always Dangerous. Sometimes there are parking spots, Cars, sometimes cars move. Usually blurry and poorly defined. Very Dangerous.

"The Light! It BURNS!"

"Sometimes a Food-truck"

130

Shipping and Receiving, or Logistics

Shipping containers with boxes and the labels just have latitude coordinates, or are just haikus. Cargo Docks that OPEN TO THE OUTSIDE (Do Not Gaze Upon The Outside). Forklifts; Tiny Office filled with maps and a network of strings and tacks and hand scrawled notes from a frustrated worker named Lionel.

"When It Absolutely Positively Has to Get There By Whenever I Get Around To It"

"Those Word Problems About Trains Leaving at 4 PM You Had To Solve In School"

131

Warehouse

Usually Near Shipping and Receiving, or Logistics. Shelves, boxes, that kinda shit. See the various Piles and Stacks entries for more

"All Out of Bubblewrap"

"We have top men working on it right now"

132-136

Reception

Usually by the Lobby, with a desk for a Receptionist, who is either a personal assistant, or for small offices, probably is probably the office manager, HR, and answers the phones too; a thankless task.

“Have a Seat, We’ll Be Right With You”

“Do you Have an Appointment?”

137-138

Research and Development

You’ve probably played Portal 2. Think of the part with the Potato.

“Oh, Good. My Slow-Clap Processor Made It Into This Thing.”

“Make Life Take the Lemons Back!”

139

Sales and Marketing

They usually get their own small conference room to be Creative in, or it’s a sort of shared space filled with product literature / swag / samples for the marketing reps, or it’s a separate space filled with desks and people making cold-calls, or all of the above.

“Mad Men: The Omega Mart Ad Campaign”

“Who Wants Some Swag?”

140

Medical

Lots of Room for Horrors here. Sometimes it’s just “Onsite First Aid”, Vision, Dental, Counseling, Therapy, or a literal Out-Patient Operating Room for low-risk procedures. See Research and Development, Executive Spa, and The Relaxation Station.

“Doctor Doctor, Give Me the News!”

“Dr. Lector Will See You Now”

141

The Meditation Room

Usually located near the entrance; sofas, chairs, and shrines line its inner walls, and the distant overhead lighting brightens in response to clapping. At first impression, the room seems dark but inviting, the sofas and chairs comforting, and soothing music plays from hidden speakers. But inspecting any of the shrines shatters the illusion, leaving the viewer with an intense sense of unease. The statues of religious figures? They're all wrong, but it's hard to distinguish why. The music? It's not a recording. And suddenly the lights are too bright.

"Hotel California."

"Rest, Weary Traveler; the Abyss Has No Powers Here."

142

The Relaxation Station

Escape from Work! (NO ONE ESCAPES!) Maybe a water feature, maybe yoga mats and a small table, maybe small speakers playing supposedly soothing music. Relatively Soundproof, Signs for No Electronics.

“NO ONE ESCAPES!”

“Sneak Off and Fart In There”

143

The Rec Room

A place to recreate so you never leave the office. Sometimes just a small foosball table, or complete with ping-pong tables and poop emoji scatters, or with an entire weight room, sport-gym, tennis court, running track, swimming pool, and sports facility.

“False Sense of Corporate Care”

“Good Employees Get to Use the Rec Room”

144-146

Employee Lockers

Places to put your stuff, usually with a lock, often subject to search. Sometimes near the Rec Room, especially if the rec room is more exercise themed.

“Locker Subject to Search”

“Think About Your Commission Cap As A Naked Old Man in a Gym Locker Room.”

147-148

Kid's Corner (On-site Daycare)

Now You Don’t Have an Excuse to Leave Work in the Middle of the Day To Go Pick Up Your Kids! Now you might not quit your crappy desk job since they subsidize child-care; also they might be using your children as child-laborers licking stamps or swinging pick-axes in the secret coal mines in the basement. Watch out for child-sized furniture, and creepy fiberglass statues of off-brand children’s mascots.

“Child Sized Office Furniture”

“Corporate Clown, Executive Fun Officer!”

149-152

Green Space

Often the place where the office plants get the most light, sometimes they line an entire wall like kudzu trying to take over everything, or climbing the support column. Sometimes they’re near the Relaxation Station or Break Rooms. Often near lots of Windows, Natural Light, or a Sky-well.

“Office Jungle”

“Ooh! The plants are Gonna Love This.”

153

Conference Room

They’re the sorts of rooms that have an eternal aura of boredom and ennui, often with a large table and chairs that merely look comfortable, or are more stylish than usable. If this node spawns food, it is likely safe to eat, but there is no guarantee that any sorts of food-safety guidelines have been followed. If there is a Window, do not enter, and Do Not Gaze Upon the Outside.. If there is a Phone-tree in here, look out, the voices may be stronger or louder than normal…

“Can You Hear us, Karen? We Can Hear You?”

“OCP Corporate Board Room Meets Ed 209”

154-155

Acoustic Meeting Pods

They’re relatively sound-proof, often small booths sized for between one and six people, meant for taking calls or video meetings, or having a small huddle with a tiny group, they’re most similar to old-time phone booths if a bit larger, but appearance and styling can vary widely.

“How Many People Can Fit Inside a Phone Booth?”

“Secretly Fart In There”

156

The Media Room

A mostly sound proof room with audio-visual recording equipment, a few chairs, white-boards, and lighting, or it’s a small Screening Room or Theater with a Podium and seating for Press Conferences. Don’t think that those cameras won’t add ten pounds, or will refrain from stealing your soul, or that the microphone isn’t guaranteed to make your voice sound weird.

”Everything is Content”

“The Cubicle Podcast, Brought To You By CircleVoid and RAID SHADOW LEGENDS”

157-159

The Copy Center

Sometimes a full blown Printing Services Department with higher-end large format printers, plate presses, etc, or resembling the inside of an eclectic Kinko’s(™), other times it is a depressing collection of printers, xerox copiers, scanners, mimeograph machines, etc, with air filled with mildly hazardous levels of paper dust, toner, and ozone. Size, quality, and technological level varies greatly, and the space, especially if it’s a Printing Services Department it might blur the lines with a Mail Room.

“Kinko’s Was Bannanas!”

“PC Load Bacon”

160

Security Operations Center

Continuous, around-the-clock security monitoring. Monitors everywhere, from fuzzy black and white closed circuit on 1950’s cathode ray tube screens to hyper-resolution ultra-hd screens showing long-range telephoto shots of employee nostrils, and camera angles one might question are actually possible. Sometimes instead of cameras, these are used to monitor network traffic on the servers. Sometimes these rooms do both.

“The Truman Show”

“Big Brother is Always Watching”

161

Security Guard Station

Often a Tiny Guard Shack Outside (DO NOT GO OUTSIDE) or a big desk and closet-cubby off to the side of the lobby that is supposed to station the security guard, along with a few screens that show various camera angles of public spaces on a permanent loop.

“You are Most Troublesome, For a Security Guard.”

“Observe and Report!”

162

Security Screening

The classic magnetometer metal-detectors and x-ray machines that serve as a choke point installed as an afterthought of Security Theater in the Lobby or Atrium just off the Entryway. There’s always a line, and they always take forever to get through. Possibly creepier when not in use, the machinery probably gives you cancer, but if you ride the conveyor belt you can get a free fluoroscopy done and see if you can see if all that gum you ate, and that penny you swallowed as a kid is still stuck in there.

“Baby, You Can Leave Your Boots On”

“Please Take Your Laptops and Electronic Devices Out of Your Bags.”

163

The Satellite Office

You know, literally in space? Sometimes gravity fails, or atmospheric containment is breached, or Xenos get in the air ducts.

"They Mostly Come At Night, Mostly"

"Wages are Sky High!"

164

The Carpet Tile Plains

Modular soft-surfaced floor coverings (carpet tiles, in other words) are a staple in modern office buildings. Occasionally a column breaks up the space. Sometimes it's on the walls. Sometimes actually flat; other times it slowly rolls like the Great Plains.

"Home on the Range"

"Nature Documentary"

165

High Pile Serengeti

Like the Carpet Tile Plains, rarer forms have high pile, (due to space warping in the backrooms) often large open plains of carpet with pile ranging from a few inches to a dozen feet tall, often gently waving in various HVAC breezes and (possibly) hidden denizens.

"Nature Documentary"

"Are We Lost?"

166

Looking for the Bridge

A chasm, blocking the path that might need to be crossed. Either potentially long and dangerous climbs down or (possibly lethal) fall or jump, it seems no easy way across.

"Where is that Confounded Bridge!?"

"(No) Bridge Over Troubled Waters"

167

The Rickety Bridge

Made of office supplies, the way across a difficult obstacle.

"Will it Hold?"

"Burn that Bridge When You Come to It."

168

The River

Sometimes space generates water-sources, like an oversized complicated drinking fountain or sink left running, and forms into a stream or river of water flowing where it shouldn't, sometimes up-hill, normally?, or in the sort of non-stop raging torrent that seems like water-main break, rarely, into a mega-river like the Mississippi or Amazon; the water maybe (technically) drinkable (or not), or it's weirder and actually cut up paper in the shape of water-waves, or for the Amazon-esque ones, branded cardboard containers.

"Ravenous Billy The Singing Bass Wall Mount"

"Come to the River"

169

The (Flooded) Ocean

hey Say All Rivers Flow to the Sea. When "rivers" get big enough, they turn into oceans here in the backrooms. Big, flooded areas of water-esque stuff, or paper or cardboard box cutout in the shape of waves. Sometimes you can see the bottom, sometimes you can't. Sometimes all the air in the room is replaced with this stuff and you might "drown".

"Under the Sea, Under the Sea!"

"Power Squid"

170

The Beach

The "sand" is more like gravel made from shattered coffee mugs, or broken ball-point pens, but there is hell-spawned beach here, complete with "water" (sometimes ball-point pen ink, sometimes printer-ink or toner, sometimes coffee, and sometimes just water), fake plastic office plants, and of all damnation, bloody patio furniture from what looks to be a sort of corporate relaxation-room or rooftop hide-away.

"Life's a Beach, and Then You Die"

"I Don't Like Sand. It's Coarse, and Rough, and Irritating, and it Gets Everywhere."

171

Cork-board Canyon

Cork boards / White-boards / Chalk-boards covered in various and sundry "important" bits of information or notices. Like Demotivational Poster Alley, sometimes they collect (or get generated together); multiply to the point they become a type of terrain. Sometimes really large, soaring high into the sky or deep into the ground like a ravine, if the ground were made of corkboard and tangles of red string set up by a conspiracy theorist; or they tip over, form a sort of tunnel, or make Rickety Bridges across themselves.

"Tangles of Red String"

"Pepe Silvia is Actually a Lizard Person Controlling the President, and I have Proof!"

172

The Paperwork Snowdrifts

When the stacks of paper get TOO high, they sometimes fall over and get blown around by the office HVAC system into drifts and avalanches. Sometimes it’s blown confetti made from shredded office files, or the temperature is literally freezing from the air conditioner.

"Don’t Get a Papercut"

“On The Lookout for Paper Mache Yeti”

173

The Stacks (Of Furniture)

Impossibly high, often teetering, piles of office furniture. Like the size of hills or mountains; sometimes a vending machine, or something else of "value" is at the top of them. Like the vending machines in the break-rooms, the selections are often other-worldly.

"Unsafe for Work"

"Ruler of the Hill (of Furniture)"

174

The Tower of Power

Massive, tangled, wholly unsafe pile of extension cords & power-strips, power supplies, wall-warts, etc. Sometimes quite large, or impossibly (and precariously) proportioned.

"A Shocking Development!"

"What a Tangled Web We Weave"

175

The Phone Tree

Literal tree of phones from every era; old-timey telephones, 80's Cordless Headsets, sleek modern cell phones that one might be able to pluck from their charge port like a piece of fruit, etc. Like the "Tower of Power", no rhyme or reason to connections. Not advised to answer/attempt to interact with any phones... parasitic infomorphic hostile memetic cognito-hazards are likely whispering on the other end..

"Please Hang ~~(Yourself)~~ Up and Try Your Call Again"

"Shush! The Parasitic Infomorphic Hostile Memetic Cognito-hazards are Whispering Hot Stock Tips to Me!"

176

The Web Site

The digital & cybernetic infomorphs become manifest here; sometimes just a tangle of cords and paper clips that trap passing entities or paperwork blowing around. See Customer Service.

"Denial of Service"

“Sales Attacks“

177

The Mountain of Misfit Computer Cases

Near IT areas, piles of electronic, technologic, or business equipment spares and e-waste. Sometimes piles are quite large, teetering, incorporating old CRT monitors, active screens, cpu cases, printers, copiers, cpu fans, circuit boards, paper tape punch card readers, etc. Can form obstacles/hills to climb, can collapse & cause avalanches, and bury & crush unfortunate souls beneath them.

"Office Space Printer Smashing Scene"

"'PC LOAD BACON', What The Hell Does That Even Mean?"

178

The Typing Pool

Either a field of desktop computers or type-writers, typing out Shakespeare, "Infinite Monkeys" style, or it's a literal pool, lake, or Ocean of the same, in a jumbled liquid pile, perhaps even with its own tides and waves.

"Infinite Monkeys on Typewriters"

"Noisy Typist, Angry Typist, Clack Clack Clack."

179

The Flooded Section (Washroom)

Oh God, The Smell. Oh God, the Mess. Everything is Flooded. It's terrible. Sometimes the Toilets Explode.

"Needs More Fiber"

"Shit Flows Downhill."

180

The Server Room (Flooded)

Floor covered in inch (or more) of water, but server hardware isn’t fried. Blowers set up to dry it out, but pointed at ceiling, or into each other, or squares that can't rotate their fan blades, or spin in sanity destroying other-dimensional direction. Various childrens' toys, still in original packaging, not good ones, may be found on surface out of reach of the water, often boxes of printer paper and file boxes filled with junk mail, soggy and drenched, sitting on floor

"Waterworld and Other Kevin Costner Projects"

"Always Damp"

181

On-Site Executive Dry Cleaners

Probably not actually a dry-cleaners, more like sad, but convenient room to collect & manage dry-cleaning dropped off by Executives. May be a motorized rack for hanging things up though. In a real dry-cleaners, it’s a complicated nightmare mess of mechanisms & vats & cancer causing chemicals.

"False Sense of Corporate Care”

Why Am I The One Who Takes The Clouds To The Dry Cleaners?'”

182

Executive Spa

Mythical place like Executive Washroom. Partners, Bosses, or High-performers have it good. Spa, often with on-site masseuse, beautician, etc Corporate Modern Decor, soft lighting, soulless “homey” themes, various furniture like massage tables, heated stones, etc.

“Too Good for the Likes of You, Pleb”

“Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”

183

Real Fake Door Emporium

All the Doors here are Real Fake, all about doors that could not open or lead to anywhere, doors on doors, or you open a door and there’s another door, or it’s just the doors and no walls, or not even oriented in space properly, or only open in a direction that doesn’t exist. Maybe the doors are actually supposed to be secretly Real.

“Come Get Fake Doors. Call Us Up, Order Some Fake Doors Today. Don't Even Hesitate!”

“Get In Here Quick, Get Out Quicker!”

184

The Theater

You might wonder why it needs a Theater, but for large complexes, they’re surprisingly useful when on-boarding large numbers of Employees, presenting quarterly earnings reports to shareholders, or mandatory continuing education seminars & teambuilding exercises. Usually features sound-proofing, accent lights, comfy seating, pull down screens, blackout curtains, etc. Sometimes pull from older design eras, and feature giant film reels and ancient slide-carousels, maybe a podium, the air is filled with a permanent haze of ancient cigar smoke, etc.

“Wendy’s Grill Training Rap Video”

“Orson Wells Clapping in Black and White on Permanent Loop”

185

Screening Room

Conference Room with One Way Mirror and Smaller room behind it; when you need to show media or products to small test-audiences & gauge reactions. Often near Research and Development. Sometimes instead of conference table, it’s couches, beanbags, etc; or it’s decorated like a Kid’s Corner with child-sized furniture, for testing the younger demographics. If you can’t find the one-way mirror, look for the cameras, if you can’t find those, you might actually be in a small Theater instead.

“The Best Seat in the House”

“What if Shakespeare Had Had a Test Audience for Romeo and Juliet or Hamlet?”

186

The Nests

Modern, Post-Modern and even Meta-modern designed Huddle-spaces, often constructed from “natural” materials in a design language that aims to invoke bird’s nests, these meeting pods aim to be the office equivalent of architectural “conversation pits” from the seventies. They often hang out over open areas, like the Atrium, connected to Atrium Bridges, or Large Green Spaces, but they don’t always have to be physically suspended over the void, they can, and are, found in nooks and corners of otherwise “wasted” office-space.

“Radagast The Brown, But With Less Bird-Shit”

“Don’t Look Down.”

187

Metro Transit Stop

These have wide variability, sometimes they're little bus shelters on the street side (Do Not Go Outside), sometimes they're fully enclosed stops for bus, trolley, subway, or light rail, complete with fixtures like turnstiles and "kissing gates", Escalators, Atriums, and Stairwells, possibly in the Basement. If the Transit ever stops, don't go near it.

“Outside Is Dangerous”

“Train Delayed”

188

Columnar Forest

Lots of Columns, usually in a wide open floor; but when they get weird they start to become wide, gnarled, and twisted like trees; sometimes covered in carpet-tile "Bark". Can occur anywhere, including Basements and Car Parks. Sometimes the ceiling lighting dapples the floor in light like a forest, and the smell of cheap tree shaped car air-fresheners are in the air.  Sometimes these turn into Cloud Forests.

"If You Go In The Woods Today, Prepare For A Big Surprise"

"Re: Forest, Trees, Seeing."

189-191

Air Conditioner Alley

HVAC, usually air-conditioner mini-split units, but sometimes other types, like exhaust hoods, etc. Outside. Dangerous. (The Outside is Dangerous) Walls on Either Side, very few doors or openings back inside. Sometimes the walls are window-walls, and show the Inside, other times this is actually up near the Roof.

“The Heat Island Effect”

“The Smoker’s Pit is Fifty Feet from the Nearest Entrance”

192-193

Water Feature

Sometimes Floods, spawns Rivers. Trickling sounds of water supposed to be soothing to Humans, and so things like Decorative Fountains, Wishing Wells (with coins on the bottom), Reflecting Pools, and Water Walls came to be. Can be Inside or Outside. When things get weird, the water doesn’t always follow the laws of physics.

“Wet and Wild”

“Nature Documentary”

194

Stamp Pad Bog

The ground appears made of a sort of sponge, saturated with colored inks for stamping things. If the sponge gets particularly thick, or the ink particularly deep, the ink might thicken into a sort of tar-pit.

“Look for Tracks!”

“Nature Documentary”

195

The Elevator Shaft

A scary Elevator shaft and maybe a ladder between floors. Often Extremely Dangerous. When they're weird, the shaft can be infinitely tall, or bottomless, or the elevator can still be active and move like a thing possessed.

You’ve Seen One Too Many Internet Videos of People Trapped In Elevator Shafts”

“A Long Way Down”

196

The Executive Washrooms

Hell-spawned version of Promised Land; gold-plate fixtures, champagne on ice, Water-feature in Lobby, extra seating in every stall, mints, complimentary cologne, axes, nooses, guillotines. Sometimes features Large Window (DO NOT GAZE OUTSIDE), (fake?) plant in the corner, (often bizarre) paintings, fancy wallpaper, (weird) magazines next to toilet/bidet.

"Is That a Bidet?"

"Just Pony Things? Is That a Real Magazine?"

197

Bottomless Void

You Literally Can’t See The Bottom. Sometimes they have openings into other places, ledges, and the like.

“Don’t Fall.”

“Intrusive Thoughts”

198-201

The Pedestrian Walkway

We've told you before, the outside is dangerous. This is a sort of exterior park-like area across the campus, but also a covered path, like a skybridge but more open to nature and typically across the ground instead of flying through the air like a bridge. There may be wind screens across it like an exterior bus-stop too. In some cases, all sorts of clutter might get blown in, if the grounds crew haven't been through in a while.  It might be connected to Streetside Parking, or pass beneath Air Conditioner Alley.

"All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown)
the sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel."

Resolve: {"Nature Documentary"|"Do Not Gaze Upon the Outside"}

202

The Infinite Garden

Flowers are growing, incongruously here. Either poking thru cracks, or growing out of the ground.  Usually they're made of office supplies, but near skywells or moist areas, they may be living.  They may not all be flowers, as sometimes there's mushroom areas, tree areas, edible crop areas etc.  There technically isn't stopping this from being fully indoors, partially outdoors (DO NOT GAZE OUTSIDE), etc, but this isn't really a Greenspace, despite having growing things in it, which is the difference between these two areas.

Roll on "Flower Varieties - real world only"

"I've Stolen a Garden. But It May Already Be Dead"

"We Want A Shrubbery, One That Looks Nice, and Is Not Too Expensive"

203

The Cloud Forest

Someone opened the taps on the overhead fire suppression sprinklers. The fog and mist and spray is everywhere. There is likely a flow of water nearby like a River or Ocean or flooded section this leads to. Columnar Forest, Greenspace, Skywells, and Water-features nearby thrives in this sort of place.  Sometimes the water isn't water, but some other liquid, like Printer Ink.

“Dreams, after all, are insubstantial things, like mist itself.”

"'Something in the Fog!' He Screamed."

204

Tech-bro Place (Atrium)

The new kid on the block (it is, literally, a whole block) on the site of what was a factory or printing facility, the complicated and slightly terrifying equipment remains, surrounded by a massive atrium crisscrossed by crisp white bridges that facilitate the horizontal connectivity that trendy modern modern architects say is the key to the success of the building’s organization. As far as atriums go, it’s safe to say that this one is a stunner, a full panoply of corporate life; expansive and light-filled, a people-watching place, a place to eat and, thanks to a building consent condition, a public place - but only on the ground floor. They clearly have unicorn startup money to burn.

"They Always Start Out Disruptive and Cool"

"Mandatory Fun / Unpaid Overtime"

205

Corporate Cathedral

Some rich asshole bought up a church's "going out of business" sale, or decorated the interior to resemble the inside of a cathedral, perhaps it really did used to be a church complete with trappings, but now is trendy office space.  There might be stained glass windows, or even baroque old-religious décor remaining.

"This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things"

"Confess Your Sins, Then Empty Your Wallet"

206

The Rose Cathedral

Basically a Corporate Cathedral, except with the incongruous growth of flowers like an Infinite Garden or Greenspace.  A false light like a sun that can be seen in the cathedral, which is often just a false spotlight trick.  Sometimes this is combined with a Columnar Forest or a Cloud Forest, or both.

Roll on "Flower Varieties - real world only"

"This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things"

"We Want A Shrubbery, One That Looks Nice, and Is Not Too Expensive"

207

The Curved Hallway

When it's a Totally Normal Hallway, it's a just a hallway that curves or bends enough that you can't see the end of it.  When it's a weird, it can be so much more. Perhaps it's a Penrose Hallway, some sort of non-Euclidian bend, or a Real Fake Doors Emporium, or a subtle Cognito Hazard.  The point is, you can't see the entire thin, and anything could be at the end of it. Part of the thrill is the anticipation of not knowing!

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

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Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"Thrills: Cheap"

“Crowded Hallways, are the Loneliest Places”

208-209

Rainbow Road

The flooring, walls, and or ceiling, changes here distinctly in a way that is a deliberate choice by the designers to indicate an area of higher traffic or density.  Color choices are usually bold and meant to be energizing or at least less uninteresting than the rest of the space, seeing as how everyone is likely to come across it at least once a day.

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road!"

"The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions"

210

The Castle

It's a fort made from cubicle walls, desks, boxes, corkboards, etc.  Floors you can (carefully) walk on (made of cubicle walls, or boxes, or access flooring tile systems, several levels, and a higher vantage point.  Sometimes the levels are a bit cramped?

"Your Authority is Not Recognized in Fort Kickass"

"Be Gone, Or I Shall Be Forced to Taunt You Again!"

211-212

The Glass House

Like something designed by Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (The Farnsworth House). Floor to ceiling glass walls, sometimes frosted, sometimes not, lead to extreme visibility.  Curtains, blinds, dichroic lcd systems, etc, can provide privacy as required.  In extreme cases, these sorts of spaces become mazes with nearly invisible walls, until you break your nose trying to walk through a place where a sheet of glass is suspended.

"Don't Throw (Stones)"

"The Panopticon"

213

The Hole in the Floor

Collapsed Office Floors, often with a terrifying tangled mess of rusting rebar, with things crushed beneath several floors below.  Sometimes the floor isn't concrete, but weirder materials, like cubicle walls.  Usually the hole is ragged and torn, but other times it is smooth and clean. Sometimes entire floors are gone, leaving just the walls and columns, other times it's just holes that a person might attempt to jump across.  See Looking For a Bridge or Rickety Bridge.

"Make Sure You Are Current on Your Tetanus Vaccination"

“A Long Way Down”

214

The Hole in the Buildings

Like the Hole in the Floor,  this one includes a hole in the side of the building, or broken columns (The Outside is Dangerous), may or may not have the thing that did the damage, and may or may not be still unstable, or have clouds of dust as if it just recently happened.  They way may be cut off, or the collapse may still be in progress.  If the fireproofing has been compromised, if anything is still on fire, the structure may be extra unstable and even more prone to collapse, or dangerous, in terms of smoke, or active fire suppression systems creating other hazards.

"This Area is Dangerous, You Cannot Fast Travel"

"A Building is a Symbol, as is the Act of Destroying it."

215

The Hole in the Wall (Literally)

Usually youll see a hole in the wall in areas that are decaying, like an abandoned building being squatted in by socially maladjusted delinquents, drug addicts, those living rough and off the grid,  or those in a mental health crisis; like someone kicked a hole in the sheetrock and squeezed thru to the room beyond.  The edges are usually ragged.  When the holes are clean cut, though, the edges are just void. Be careful not to touch those.

"Sometimes, When Life Closes a Door, You Just Have To Kick A Hole In the Wall To Get In."

"A Tight Squeeze"

216

The Cattle Chute

A really confined corridor that twists in a gentle way that lulls those inside it that they way out will be less narrow, designed to reduce the stress of cattle in the yards while keeping them moving towards thuer inevitable end. Sometimes these are just places where the Office gets the navigation metrics wrong, but ocassionaly it is like something out of Junjo Ito's "The Enigma of Amigara Fault".

"This is My Hole! It was Made for Me!"

"Help Me Step Brother, I'm Stuck!"

217

The Jungle of Wires

Sometimes the Accoustic Ceiling Tiles fail, fall to the ground, or otherwise collapse due to excessive weight up in the cable runs.  Also occasionally something up and steals the Raised Floor, revealing the Sub Floor Void and mase of pipes and cables beneath.  When the number of wires gets too great, or tangled, you get a Jungle of Wires.  It can get surprisingly vertical near Canyons or Columnar Forests.

"Creepy Office Technology Version of the Ewok Village or Avatar"

"Snakes, Why Is it Always Snakes?!"

218

Executive Golf Simulator (Rec Room)

Totally Lifelike! Digital Simulation! Executive Perks!

"This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things"

"It is Said that Golf is a Long Walk In Nature, Ruined"

219

First Aid Station and Training Room

Sometimes near HR, but filled with more productive CPR Dummies instead.  Sometimes it's just a little nook with some water fountain plumbing for an eye-wash station, or its a storeroom where they keep the mannequins.  Rest assured the Scranton Strangler is around here somewhere.

"Safety First!"

"Somewhere Someone Is Playing 'Keepin' Alive' By the Bee Gees"

220

Water Treatment System

Tanks, Pipes, Valves.  Could be abnornally large, filled with an office version of the Pool Rooms?

"Drip, Drip, Drip"

"Caution, Wet Floor"

221

Facilities' Emergency Power Systems

Like an HVAC room, this one is filled with a terrifyingly complex maze of ductwork, steam filled pipes, catwalks, steel ladders and stairways, and high voltage, along with giant electrical breaker boxes, battery banks, sparking relays, Jacob's Ladders, and switches like something out of a Mad Scientist Lab.  Not only will everything in here kill you, it will hurt Real, Real, Real Bad while it does so.

"No One Will Hear Your Screaming."

"A Shocking Development"

222-223

The Office Museum

Displays of random things. Sometimes models. Sometimes posters. Sometimes photos. Often a plaque that describes something not always what is actually on display.  Think the Potato battery display from Portal 2.

"It Belongs in a Museum!"

"I knew that whole museum routine like a book."

224

The Loop

The office literally does the impossible, and forms a loop de loop here, with a long hallway that loops upside down or does a barrel roll, or some other space amd gravity defying trick.

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"Gotta Go Fast!"

"Too Many Carnival Foods Before The Ride"

225

The Institutional Break Room

Somewhat resembling the lunch area of a prison or correctional institution, full of hard surfaces, and easy to clean. Aesthetic considerations taking a back seat to practicality and durability.

"Prison Food"

"This Line Never Moves"

226-227

The Prison Yard

A courtyard made of mostly hard surfaces, most likely in brutalist style, and maybe some patio tables, with very little comfort or greenery.  What greenery remains is either dead, or dying. May resemble an Air Conditioner Alley.

"The Heat Island Effect"

"The Outside is Dangerous"

228

The (Hidden?) Sleeping Nook

Resolve: {It could have been a secret cot hidden in here by an employee to use for a while when they got kicked out of their apartment, or more likely, when overtime ran into over-nights.  Or, it’s a little space, under a desk, or in a hole kicked into a wall into a storage room, and concealed by a filing cabinet.  A mattress pad, cot, or pile of crumpled & shredded paper forming a sort of bedroom. It is never immediately clear if the dungeon has generated this space, or if it was assembled here by inhabitants, nor if there are any inhabitants still remaining in the area.|It looks like a number of people squat and camp here. Typically they have blockaded almost all the entrances and people must enter by crawling through a small hole. They have done almost nothing to make the place habitable: it is cold, dirty, (likely) dark and (probably) filled with trash and used drug paraphernalia. If they are lucky, the residents have old bug-infested mattresses to sleep on.}

"Fix Up This Pigsty! You get a pretty Goddammed good salary for testing out this bed all day!"

"Mandatory Overtime"

229

The Homeless Lounge

The people who hang out here have set up old lawn chairs and couches to sit on, old trash cans (burn barrels) to provide lighting and heat, old refrigerators (not running) may even be used to keep food and drinks cold.  There may or may not be other vandalism, or drug paraphernalia.  It is never immediately clear if the dungeon has generated this space, or if it was assembled here by inhabitants, nor if there are any inhabitants still remaining in the area.

“Sick vandalism! That is a deliberate mutilation of a public service message. Now I want those little paint-happy bastards caught, and hung up by their Buster Browns!”

"I just want to get from my Car to my Office without being confronted by the Decay of Western Society!"

230

The Resolve: {Fortified|} Compound

Resolve: {Barbed wire fencing (somehow) surrounds this place and small shacks manufactured from whatever materials scrounged from around here, like tarps covering metal shelving, and the like. The center of the compound is a communal area.  It is never immediately clear if the dungeon has generated this space, or if it was assembled here by inhabitants, nor if there are any inhabitants still remaining in the area.|Somehow a metal trailer or storage unit has found its way into here, as well as a few abandoned vehicles, chain link fences, (perhaps) even barbed wire.  The mess has been artfully arranged to aid in providing a highly defensive structure.  It is never immediately clear if the dungeon has generated this space, or if it was assembled here by inhabitants, nor if there are any inhabitants still remaining in the area.}

"Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but the living room in your fortified compound."

"I just want to get from my Car to my Office without being confronted by the Decay of Western Society!"

231

The Resolve: {Old|}Trash Dump

Resolve: {Someone, or many someones have been dumping their trash and waste here and it isn’t being removed..  It may or may not be fresh, but reeks none-the-less, and most organic material hasn’t had time to break down.  If there is anything of value here, you’ll have to dig to find it.  If it is particularly deep, it might be a Garbage Compactor or a Flooded Area near the Basements..  It is never immediately clear if the dungeon has generated this space, or if it was assembled here by inhabitants, nor if there are any inhabitants still remaining in the area.  There may be vermin.|Someone, or many someones have been dumping their trash and waste here and it hasn't been removed for a long time..  The piles are at least waist high, most organic material has broken down, either by vermin, or microorganisms.  Anything of value has likely been removed by scroungers, there is evidence of sorting and digging.  The smell isn’t too bad, at least so long as the trash isn’t disturbed.  The area may be Flooded, or be a secret Garbage Compactor, or be near the basements.   It is never immediately clear if the dungeon has generated this space, or if it was assembled here by inhabitants, nor if there are any inhabitants still remaining in the area}

“Garbage never leaves the dump.”

"I just want to get from my Car to my Office without being confronted by the Decay of Western Society!"

232

Murder Holes

The building has suffered from a fire. It smells acrid and bitter. Inside, everything is black and brittle and rains blackened pieces down on the slightest touch. People walking here get black smudges on their shoes that leave tracks.  Who the hell knows if staying here things don't suddenly collapse, or maybe the smoke or ash is toxic.

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

“A trap is only a trap if you don't know about it. If you know about it, it's a challenge.”

"Speaking of trouble, we should have run into some by now."

233

Burn Out Zone

The building has suffered from a fire. It smells acrid and bitter. Inside, everything is black and brittle and rains blackened pieces down on the slightest touch. People walking here get black smudges on their shoes that leave tracks.  Who the hell knows if staying here things don't suddenly collapse, or maybe the smoke or ash is toxic.

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"If they take my stapler, I'll have to, I'll set the building on fire."

"Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."

234-235

Graffiti Mural

Every bit of the interior is covered with one or more writers’ artistic masterpiece.  While this may be a 1% for Art Zone, or a Homeless Lounge, it could very well have been created by actual people, there's almost no way to know.

Roll another zone and slap this on top of it, combining the two!

Combined With

{% f={d{$office}}%} {% result = roll_chart dice:f id:75325 %}

{{result.1}}

{{result.2}}

Theme:

Resolve: Resolve: Resolve: { {{result.3}}|{{result.4}} }

"Graffiti is beautiful; like a brick in the face of a cop."

“Sick vandalism! That is a deliberate mutilation of a public service message. Now I want those little paint-happy bastards caught, and hung up by their Buster Browns!”

236

The Oubliette

An Oubliette in a dungeon is designed as a hole to put someone in and never see them again.  In an Office, these often have One Way Doors, or Slides or Chutes that lead down into a Real Fake Doors Emporium in a Basement somewhere.  The point is, once inside an Oubliette it is very difficult to escape. There probably is an indication of things having been trapped in here in the past, or a victim is currently trapped here.  It might be a Wildlife Enounter.

"This is an oubliette, labyrinth's full of 'em."

"In any case, there's bound to be much crying/But the oubliette alone will let you think while dying."

237

The Drug Lab

If it is near a Research and Development area, this could be a legitimate operation, with fancy equipment, and safety systems.  If it isn't legitimate, you're gonna find that the air reeks of acrid fumes, The room is cluttered with makeshift chemical apparatuses, bubbling beakers, and rows of glass vials filled with colorful liquids. The air is heavy with the pungent smell of chemicals, and the walls are stained with splatters of unknown substances. Dimly lit by glowing LED strips, and racks with hazmat suits are hanging on the wall besides the used propane tanks.

"You know, fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber."

“It turns all your bad-feelings into good feelings. It's a nightmare!”

238

Fight Club

Resolve: {The walls are adorned with graffiti and splattered with neon paint, creating an otherworldly graffiti art gallery.|Dimly lit, otherworldly ambiance; the walls are adorned with grotesque murals depicting monsters and mythical creatures, their distorted faces illuminated by flickering neon lights.} Resolve: {Harsh fluorescent lights|Someone has dragged in old yellow sodium lamps which} flicker overhead, casting eerie shadows across the open floor space. Broken windows (DO NOT GAZE UPON THE OUTSIDE) and shattered glass add an element of danger, while remnants of cubicle walls serve as makeshift barriers for impromptu matches. Someone has brought in metal bike racks and chain link fences, forming a formidable cage on a platform made from folding office tables. The air seems thick with sweat and tension and electricity, reeking of cigarette smoke, alcohol, fear and adrenaline.

Resolve: {"DO NOT GAZE UPON THE OUTSIDE"|"The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club."}

"Use your karate chop action!"

239

Sales and Marketing (Blinkenlights)

In a way similar to a DeMotivational Alley, branding and marketing is often plastered on every available surface, sometimes in neon, sometimes in bright colors, sometimes even animated on bright screens.  These areas are prone to Cognito Hazards, giant signs and banners, animated mascots, and flashing screens WITH EYECATCHING advertising of NERPS (New Exciting Retail Products!) straight out of Times Square, or Night City, and advertisements from every era.

"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man."

“Mad Men: The Omega Mart Ad Campaign”

240

The Jungle Gym

The space is filled with a maze of climbable surfaces like pipes, trusses, and posts, like a children's playground jungle gym, or that old Windows 95 "pipes" screensaver.. there may actually be "tree houses" type structure up in here too.  Navigating this mess is never straight forward.  The actual purpose of this room is never really clear, It may be near a Kid's Corner, or be some sort of Modern VC-Techbro Unicorn Startup's idea to increase productivity through physical prowess, or some other purpose entirely.  One thing though; if the structure supports the floor above, then you're actually in the Sub-ceiling space... watch out for Dust Bunnies.

"Let me just say that if God was a city planner, he would not put a playground next to a sewage system."

"The world's a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it."

241

Too Many Lights

There are just too many lights here.  They could be Blinkenlights, but most likely they're just exposed fluorescent tubes and bulbs in a huge array for no reason.  It is likely that the HVAC is on the fritz here, the space being too hot, or turned into a sort of greenhouse sauna for a nearby thriving Green Space.  In some cases, the lights blink in hypnotic patterns, or include black lights, tanning lights, grow lights, heat lamp lights, etc, or may actually be A Cognito Hazard.  The lights might be spotlights that shine dramatically on spots of special interest.  In extreme cases, even the floor is covered in lamps of various types.

“In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present."

Resolve: {"Bright light! Bright light!"|"The Light! It Burns!"}

242

First Floor Retail

Separated from the corporate office workers by a glass wall, the hoi polloi spend their money on fripperies while gawping at corporate employees like they were fish in an aquarium.  Access to the Corporate part of the building may be controlled by Security or a doorman.  Much like the Glass House, one might conceivably smash into the glass without realizing it's there.  It very well might be that the display models on the floor come to life after dark...

"Please do Not Tap the Glass"

"Did that Mannequin Just Move?"

243

The Flooded Basement

Flickering fluorescent lights cast eerie shadows on the waterlogged floor of concrete or cinderblocks or bricks. The utilitarian area is now a chaotic mess, with floating office supplies and debris scattered everywhere. The water, dark and murky, reaches at least waist-high, and possibly higher, as ripples dance across its surface. The hum of malfunctioning machines and the distant sound of dripping water create an unsettling ambiance that comes from nowhere and everywhere all at once. The walls are streaked with dampness, and the ceiling drips with water, creating a constant drip-drip soundtrack.  If there is anything in the water, it is likely that it will be difficult to see, and if there's any sewage backups, the water (if it is even water) won't be so pleasant either.

"That Scene From Titanic With the Floating Door"

"Flood the zone. Stink up the joint."

244

The Panopticon

Foucault got it wrong, or so this Office seems to think, taking Jeremy Bentham's designs, the father of utilitarianism, to a logical conclusion with this office layout.  A central posting holds some sort of observation station, separated by glass and elevated somewhat to gaze down upon the desks arranged, ring-like, around the central station; a device of such monstrous efficiency that it leaves no room for humanity.  Sometimes this sort of layout is combined with the Glass House, where large sheets of clear or partially frosted glass separate the various regions of the office without actually separating them visually; all so some manager somewhere in the middle of things can keep an eye on any under-paid over-workers possibly slacking.

“He is seen, but he does not see; he is an object of information, never a subject in communication.”

Resolve: {"Mandatory Overtime"|"The Surveillance State"}

245

The Empty Walmart (Consumerist Purgatory)

A vast wide-open area, with very little cover, except for the occasional widely (but evenly) spaced, narrow steel column.  With echoing bare floors, steel trusses, exposed HVAC overhead, and poorly maintained lighting this seemingly represents the death of the classic 'mom-and-pop' shop and the immanent decline and fall of Western civilization.  If the trusses are low to the ground, you're looking at more of a Jungle Gym.  Alternatively, the space could be a Columnar Forest if the spacing is irregular.  This is the sort of space that used to be devoted big-time to first-floor retail on a grand scale, but when that dried up, rather than lease the space out for something useful, they decided to leave it vacant while trying to keep their corporate office space customers.   Eventually, they hope, the local economy will spring back, and an Anchor Store will return... they never do, and that hope dies, along with the big-box that surrounds it... consumerist purgatory.,

"Welcome to Wal-Mart, get your shit and get out!"

"Attention Wal-Mart shoppers and wedding guests: Our garden center is running a special on potting soil and rakes."

246

Macrodata Refinement Desks

Despite having a huge room, the four workstations here are crammed together via a cluster of desks in the middle of the space.  Suffer those who must surely toil within this large space with worn, deep, lime-green carpeted, white-walled space, which contains just one set of four green-walled cubicle desks right in the center, back to back in a cruciform, with a single moveable wall in dark green felt between each desk.  The workstations used by the employees here resemble computers, but unlike any that exist in our world.  With an integrated track ball and tube screen they evoke a mishmash of past and future.  The desks house the blocky computer consoles with desaturated CGA terminals in a sort of 'beigey' "PANTONE® 14-0105 TPG Overcast" retrofuturistic computer box with a color scheme that has a highlight matching the predominate colors of the office. (in this case, dark green or blue) and otherwise have few personal tchotchkes belonging to each employee... the perfect antiseptic workplace of the sixties -- on the desk there’s one pen, a rolodex, a phone, little else.  The bright fluorescent lighting overhead is in the shape of a tapered square grid, a few of the lights flickering at 58 hz, and humming just enough to be noticeable, while the fans of HVAC system rumbles slightly.  Occasionally there are steel filing cabinets painted of a smokey gray, and the centrally controlled analog wall clocks are always seven minutes fast or slow. Truly a hell on earth.

"On the desk there’s one pen, a rolodex, a phone, little else"

“It’s not a spaceship, but it is a spaceship.”

247

Optics and Design

A vast and sterile industrial seeming white painted hall supported by columns, lined with rows of grey painted additive 3d printers, terminals, and other production equipment.  In occasional islands are flat files and gray painted cabinets seemingly containing paintings and artworks.

"We are the music makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams"

"They'll Think What We Want Them To Think"

248

The Break Room (Psychological Horror)

To reach the break room, one must pass thru a series of ever-narrowing Cattle Chute corridors of concrete, that narrow to a single secirity card locked door that is the only entrance and exit of what is labelled as the "Break Room".  Inside, a claustrophobic accoustic-tile, fabric and foam covered tile, lined anechoic chamber is dramatically lit by the light of the lone exit sign.  A pair of seats, opposed, sit between a sort of technologically retro lie detector system, a bright projector and a teleprompting system, which when on, projects words onto whomever is seated in the uncomfortably hard folding chair with back to the wall.  The wall slopes uncomfortably towards the seat, as if about to fall on the victim.  The words, when the projector is on, are as follows: "Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world. None may atone for my actions but me and only in me shall their stain live on. I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those with wizened hands. All I can be is sorry, and that is all I am."  Save for the two seats, a small one way observation mirror, there is little else, as if the room is only designed to break the will of whoever is sitting within the chair.  To this end, the emergency exit is able to be locked, preventing escape.

"Forgive me for the harm I have caused this world."

"Once More, with Feeling."

249

The Grey-trium

A large, echoing atrium of polished black granite and polished concrete walls and floors, all hard surfaces in shades of gray and mostly wide open, except for a sunken "conversation pit" in the center and a set of escalators leading down into a sub-grade level.   A wide wall of mirrored glass entry-curtainwall stretches across the entire width, floor to ceiling several stories up.  Arrayed around the atrium are several open rings of Atrium Bridge, covering several floors.  The conversation pit is carpeted and upholstered in black and shades of gray with mid-century modern benches.  The corners of the pit are decorated with four large trees made of burnished wood and twisted metal wire and conduit manifold, a skeletal creation of un-life as art exhibit, illuminated by an intricate wood and steel louvered atrium-wide skylight system above.

Resolve: {"I Did Absolutely Nothing, And It Was Everything I Thought It Could Be!"|"Human Beings Were Not Meant To Sit In Little Cubicles.”}

“We Find It’s Always Better To Fire People On A Friday."

250

The Legacy of Joy

A dramatically lit Stonehenge of Exposed Aggregate Precast Concrete Panels at least twenty feet tall, completly covered in video monitors displaying brief looping videos and still images of smiles, not all pleasant.  The loops never end, cycling throigh enormous numbers of different smiles, often holding the shot for an extremely uncomfortable amount of time, sometimes minutes at least.  The rest of the room is a spiraling walkway ramp leading to the level above, a deeply set steel doored elevator, and a darkly lit emergency exit to a stairwell.  Painted black, above the entire scene, and lost in the shadows and dramatic lighting, is a set of catwalks and rigging for the lighting.

"It's smiling at me, but not like a friendly smile. It's the worst smile I've ever seen in my life. It tells me things."

Resolve: {"But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent."|"So what are we, like, a dental company\?"}

251

The Perpetuity Wing (Atrium)

Descend a set of Atrium stairs into a deep well of corduroy concrete, with no windows, brutalist chiaroscuro on full display, down to a lonely collection of vintage looking statuary on a raised dais depicting the "Founders" of the company's illustrious past.  Smokey Blue or Deep Lime Green carpeting shows clear walkways and frames the founders, each pedestal bearing a clear name and title, but no indication of date.  It is likely that a few vestibule alcoves with heavy steel doors but no handles lead off into other areas.  It appears that there is some sort of atrium skylight far overhead.

Resolve: {“The remembered man does not decay”| “History lives in us all whether we learn it or not”}

"Visionary, Philanthropist, Eldritch Father of the Abominable Future"

252

The Founder's Replica House

A Victorian style mansion built inside the office!  As if built to be a museum exhibit, it contains many elements anachronistic to modern corporate sensibilities.

253

The Bedchamber of the Founder

A literal bedroom built inside the office, with a true to life museum recreation of the founder's bed room, complete with sign placard warning not to sit in the bed.

254

The Severed Reception Room

A green carpeted room with flourescent overhead lighting and midcentury modern furniture.  The space looks like it was dredged right up from the fifties, and never used since.

255

The Brutalist Memorial Office

An absurd layout of monolithic rectangular concrete blocks just large enough to house a cubicle-desk and a chair, elevating cubicle and desk layouts to an degree requiring access to each by ladder.  The office worker must toil there, exposed beneath the glare of management, supervising like an Emperor of old from a ribbed corduroy concrete balcony overlooking all below.  Intermittently, a few "unlucky" employees must toil within their very own "conversation bunkers", in a submerged desk arrangement several feet, to several tens of feet below ground.  Hard surfaces abound, leaving this space cold, and echoing.  Sometimes, lanes of "reflecting pools" with narrow walkways tiled in polished marble, break up the mess of rectangular blocks. The gaps between the blocks are usually too narrow to walk side-by-side. You’re alone.  Not only this, but you’re quickly submerged in the form with a strong feeling of disorientation and placelessness. You’re lost. But at the same time, because of the long, straight alleyways, you are perpetually visible to any observer who happens to peer down one of the alleys from the outside. You’re exposed and vulnerable, skewered on the long sightlines.

Resolve: {"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression."|"I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"}

"The Emperor Protects"