1

who ate all the pies!

2

with no friends!

3

who even magic missiles avoid!

4

that makes trolls seem endearing!

5

with breath like the south end of a north bound ogre.

6

who's so filthy even an otyugh would spit you out.

7

who's so shabbily dressed you look like an orphaned kobold.

8

with all the personality of a gelatinous cube.

9

who's so ugly it looks like you're half way through a polymorph.

10

that smells like a duergar's beard.

11

with the conversational skills of an owlbear.

12

who's as graceful as a one-legged zombie.

13

with an intellect that couldn't light a candle with a struck match.

14

who's as useful as a mirror to a vampire.