d100 | Result |
---|---|
1 |
Hanging meat. Salt it, flatten it, leave it to air-dry until it falls apart. Really tough, a little green around the edges. |
2 |
Pickled eyeballs. Mostly flavorless, slightly greasy, hard to explain to visitors. |
3 |
Dried eel. Leathery. Smells like wet dog. |
4 |
Weird bit. The tendon from the left leg. The wattle. The gizzard. Something you wouldn't normally eat. |
5 |
Blended organ sack. A stomach filled with other bits of animal and special spices, left to ferment. |
6 |
Rotting fish. Has to be a very specific kind of fish. Carried in glass bottles. Smells like death. |
7 |
Dried crickets. Served in honey. Well attested in holy books, less appealing these days. |
8 |
Fermented crab. PC swears it's an aphrodisiac, everyone else thinks the smell is off-putting. |
9 |
Dried meat. Mashed with fat and berries and dried in strips. Tastes like the bottom of a gardener's boot. |
10 |
Mashed stoat. Minty fresh for some reason. |
11 |
Baked rat. Except it's not a local rat. It's some kind of smug-looking foreign rat. |
12 |
Pig grease. The leftovers from a thousand plates of fried pork. Crunchy. Kept in a jar. |
13 |
Mashed ants. Lured out by the PC and cooked in a pot, then mixed with grain. Terrifyingly awful. |
14 |
Whole songbird. Would be fine, but it's coated in some sort of black foul-smelling paste. |
15 |
Fermented bird. Store it in a sack then drink whatever drips out. Absolutely awful. |
16 |
Dried lizards. Tiny. Eat a handful at a time. Crunchy but extremely dry. |
17 |
Rabbit ears. Why the ears? And why eat them with the fur still on? |
18 |
Sea thing. Horrible little sea insect. Too many legs, bright pink, baked then preserved in red sauce. |
19 |
Tiny flat fish. Smoked, and then kept in a sack. Eaten whole. Pungent smell and scales everywhere. |
20 |
Teeth. Handfuls of broken teeth from all sorts of animals. Swallowed whole. |
21 |
Eggs, cooked. Boiled in something unpleasant, left to dry in the sun. Tastes like battery acid. |
22 |
Eggs, fermented. Buried in clay for a month. Sulphrous, crumbly. |
23 |
Eggs, mashed. Mixed with some horrible root. Smells like burnt meat. |
24 |
Eggs, candied. Put in an urn with weird roots. Crystallized, snaps like glass, tastes like hair. |
25 |
Eggs, fish. Lots of little tiny ones, black like stones. Briny, unpleasant aftertaste. |
26 |
Eggs, insect. White, the size of a thumb, taste like soap. |
27 |
Eggs, lumpy. From a bird with the hiccoughs, maybe. Bulges. Tastes like milk. |
28 |
Eggs, snail. Pickled in brine. Thin shell, tastes like mushrooms, slight worries of snails hatching inside you. |
29 |
Eggs, sea. Not sure if they are from a plant or a fish. Large, green, briny pouches. |
30 |
Eggs, exotic. Blue and green with stripes. From somewhere in the mountains. Watery and sulphrous. |
31 |
Horrible herbal liquor. Sold in tiny glass bottles, vaguely greasy taste. |
32 |
Blessed water. Blessed by a particular saint or god. The PC can taste the difference. |
33 |
Green infusion. Apparently made by monks. These monks must be real sick bastards. |
34 |
Brown liquor. Very strong, made by alchemists, dries out your throat. |
35 |
Honey beer. Comes in clay pots. Delicious but distinctly foreign. |
36 |
Fermented cloves. More of a mash than a drink. Will make your earwax run. |
37 |
Red liquor. Thick like treacle, tastes like fruit, but makes everyone but the PC throw up 10 mins later. |
38 |
Bitter leaves. Make a horrible medicinal drink if soaked in boiling water. The PC eats them raw in emergencies. |
39 |
Pale brown liquor. Made from trees, somehow. Tastes like pine needles, sap, and splinters. |
40 |
Buttery wine. Not made from grapes, that's for sure. Strong, but kind of slimy. Starchy flavour. |
41 |
Fat purple turnips. Kind of tasty if cooked, but the PC insists on eating them raw. |
42 |
Long grey carrots. Very very spicy. |
43 |
Rock-like vegetable. Devoured raw, leaks milk. Utterly disgusting. |
44 |
Round green lumps. Some kind of nut? No one is sure. Incredibly bitter aftertaste. |
45 |
Thin white roots. Served by the handful. Faint smell of cut hay. |
46 |
Corkscrew turnips. Worse than regular turnips in every way, from appearance to texture to cost. |
47 |
Fat white root. Like an obsese carrot, but it tastes like sweat. When dried it starts to fall apart. |
48 |
Horrible onion. Red, not yellow, and sharply acidic. The devil's onions. |
49 |
Lumpy root. Shaped like a deformed person or a sick animal. Orange and fibrous, strong flavour. Chewed. |
50 |
Hairy yellow root. From a flower. Tastes like vinegar, but it keeps away insects. |
51 |
Broad green leaves. Opens the pupils, increases the heart rate, makes the PC talk very quickly. |
52 |
Diamond leaves. Tingly, stains the teeth green, fairly mild flavour. |
53 |
Small grey leaves. Ashy. Sold by apothecaries. Strong hallucinogen, PC is immune. |
54 |
Stringy frayed leaves. Tastes like soap. PC insists it does not taste like soap. |
55 |
Flat green leaves. Bitter, watery. Slowly rot into a dripping mass that is still, somehow, edible. |
56 |
Fern leaves. Taste like grass, but with runny sap. Stains the teeth green. |
57 |
Orange leaves. Dried and crispy. Crushed up and held under the tongue. Makes the PC sleepy an hour later. |
58 |
Little round leaves. Tastes like copper and makes everyone but the PC sneeze uncontrollably. |
59 |
Veiny lumpy leaves. Bitter and horribly chewy. Like eating a sheet of lead. |
60 |
Curled-up leaves. Little balls of green, swallowed whole. Gives everyone but the PC gas. |
61 |
Hard cakes. Why would anyone do that to bread? So dense they hurt your teeth. |
62 |
Drip cakes. Bread thrown into boiling fat. Extremely weird. |
63 |
Spice bread. A pinch of spice from Foreign Parts. Tastes like leather. |
64 |
Rolled bread. Layered meat and cheese inside bread. Looks appetizing, but the spices used are very unusual. |
65 |
Yellow bread. Made from some some grain from Foreign Parts. Gritty. |
66 |
Corpse bread. Like bread that's been left to die. So stale, so crunchy. Squeaks when you eat it. |
67 |
Hole bread. The baker must be mad because it's full of air and holes! |
68 |
Stack bread. Tiny round loaves, hammered flat, then layered with some powdered spice. |
69 |
Incompetent bread. Strange flour and water cooked in a pan. Makes a round puffy thing. Goes stale immediately. |
70 |
Round bread. Spheres of dough with meat and yellow spices inside. The spices are very strong. |
71 |
Blue-black cheese. Wrapped in the stomach lining of a goat. Smells awful, causes birds to fall from the sky. |
72 |
White lumpy cheese. In a wineskin. Acidic, but fairly tasty on bread. PC insists it pairs well with fruit. |
73 |
Grey runny cheese. Tastes like salt and sand. |
74 |
Yellow hard cheese. Looks fine but tastes appalling. Chalky, pungent, almost dusty. |
75 |
Purple cheese. Made with blood or something. Veinier than usual. |
76 |
Grey hard cheese. Thick rind, smells like a cow dying of starvation. Kept coated in wax. |
77 |
Monk cheese. Made with milk from blessed cows and covered in the remains of holy candles. No real taste. |
78 |
Travel cheese. Cheese with all the water squeezed out and replaced with an unpleasant thin oil. |
79 |
Soft white cheese. Served in clay jars. Sweet, but causes gastric disasters in anyone but the PC. |
80 |
Meat cheese. The PC insists on making it with things from the ocean and not pork or beef trimmings. |
81 |
Folded mushroom. Moist and curled like a calf's brain. Tastes like pine needles. |
82 |
Black mushroom. Looks deadly and menacing. Tastes like buttercream. |
83 |
Crinkly mushroom. Crunches like frost with white puffs of spores. No taste, but it gets in your nose and ears. |
84 |
Round pink mushroom. Dilates the pupils and makes everything look fuzzy. |
85 |
Round grey mushroom. Deadly to dogs and cattle, but the PC swears it's fine to eat. Tastes like old beef stew. |
86 |
Red mushroom. White spots, perfectly round, dries into little hard lumps. Dusty and acidic. |
87 |
Tall white mushroom. Like little spears. Acidic taste. Smell like burnt bones. |
88 |
Brown plate mushroom. Grows on the side of trees, apparently. Like eating a soggy plank of wood. |
89 |
Puffball mushroom. Round white balls with fine brown dust inside. Dust chokes the lungs and tastes like ash. |
90 |
Eye mushroom. Has wet black spots like eyes buried in soft white flesh. Tastes like peat. |
91 |
Brownish beans. Taste like sawdust and bleach. |
92 |
White beans. Like pebbles, but chewy. After a few minutes your tongue goes numb. |
93 |
Red beans. Taste metallic, deeply unpleasant. Apparently very good for you in large quantities. |
94 |
Horrible sea thing. Orange. Looks like a deflated penis. Probably tastes like a deflated penis. |
95 |
Pointy red fruit. Full of seeds. Burns like fire, makes your eyes water, and gets all over your hands. |
96 |
Oval green fruit. Bitter, salty, and chewy. Leaks oil. |
97 |
Snake venom. Makes the tongue go black. Not enough to kill anyone if ingested. |
98 |
Pink salt. From the mountains. Apparently heals you and makes your hair grow. Just tastes like salt. |
99 |
Cat milk. Seriously, who milks a cat? A thin crusty rind of milk. |
100 |
Magic powder. Ground up wizard skulls or something. Makes your hair stick straight out and your eyes bulge. |